Last week, a mom wrote to ask about her son's chewing habit: "My six-year-old son is constantly chewing on his fingers, or sleeves, etc.," she wrote.
"This has been going on for the past couple of years.
How can I help him break this habit?"
Here's what our parent educator had to say:
Habits are often unconscious and sucking on something is how your son self-soothes. Are there certain times, such as when he is tired or nervous, that he does this? Observe the behaviour to see if there are times that it increases.
The first step to changing a habit is understanding it. Is this behaviour harmful? If so, why? Or is it just something you see as unacceptable? Does your son notice that he is doing it?
How does he feel about it? Is it interfering in his life?
If this has been irritating you, I recommend saying nothing to your son and showing no signs of annoyance or concern for at least two to three weeks.
If this has become an issue between you, stepping back will have to happen before you can begin to work on this with him. If your son wants to change this behaviour, then support him by coming up with a strategy together.
One option could be to focus on the behaviour for an hour a day to see if he has some success at decreasing it. It's important that the approach is light-hearted and not serious.
If he needs some motivation, you could use a chart to graph his improvements.
This is one time that a reward could offer some motivation. If you do use a chart, set it up for a two-to three-week period.
The most important part to all of this is that it doesn't interfere with your relationship. Take a supportive and understanding position and I'm quite sure that this, too, shall pass.
Allison Rees Parent Educator LIFE Seminars
Next question:
My daughter often approaches life with a whiny attitude. I thought she was starting to grow out of it now that she's five, but her whininess has escalated with the start of kindergarten. After years of putting up with this behaviour (and using various strategies to manage it, like talking, hugs, time out), I now tell her that if she wants to whine and fuss, she can go in her room, because her behaviour is not welcome in the rest of the house.
Am I approaching this correctly? Am I too dismissive?
Do you have any advice for this parent? Are you struggling with a parenting dilemma? Send your input to [email protected].
Please put "the parent rap" in the subject line.
Questions about kids from infants to teens welcome.
