Pauline was in London, so I decided to head to one of our favorite places in the highlands, a naturally terraced valley that looks down toward the sea. I sat with my book about halfway down, but soon fell asleep in the warm sun.
Something woke me, a banging sound. I sat up cautiously and looked down.
The valley floor was filled with deer. The largest, with a 10-point rack, was striking his foot on a log to gain attention.
"I bring this deer conclave to order. It is the end of summer. I have been trying to bring this group back together for months, but you have been down in the cities, and eating well by the looks of you. I know that was our plan when we met two years ago - move into the cities below the Malahat, and feast on the rich gardens - and I see all the various tribes, clans and families represented here.
"But there has been a development we need to discuss.
"The governments down there have set up a task force to look into what to do with us. We need to decide what to do."
The large 10-point buck turned to a smaller deer (who had a reputation as a worrier) as she was demanding the floor.
"A task force to decide what to do about us - that is bad!"
"No," replied the oldest and most respected elder, "that is good. You see a task force for these two-legged people will just talk and talk. They don't do anything. Probably generate a lot of hot air, and that might warm the climate a bit and make the edible flowers grow quicker. In a year, they might write a report."
"Write a report - oh no, that is bad," said nervous Nelly.
"No, that is good," said the wise old deer. "The report will only make recommendations, after they listen to the community."
"Listen to the community - that is bad - people are mad at us."
"No, that is good. The only people who go to community meetings are wildlife advocates. They think we are cute and will call for scientific evidence on how to proceed."
"Scientific evidence. That is very bad. It may say they have to kill us."
"No, that is good. The big government in the east has cut the budget for scientists, so the reports will be delayed and take a year or two to produce. Then, the task force will recommend an action plan."
"Not an action plan. That is horrible."
"No, that is good. It will take another year to discuss the action plan, and by then it will be election time."
"An election will be bad, people will be elected by the vast majority of people who want to get rid of us."
"No, an election is good. The people who are mad don't bother to vote. All the animal activists vote. They are the ones who attend candidate meetings and phone in to the radio shows. A few people with a special interest can easily stop the majority who stay at home. The newly elected politicians will send the action plan back to the task force to make adjustments. This will take another year."
"But if it takes another year, people will get really mad - and that is bad."
"No, because the taskforce recommendations will have to be implemented by the cities."
"Oh no! Implemented. They will come after us."
"No, the cities south of the Malahat are many, and they don't come together on anything. Each has its own fiefdom and guards its jurisdiction. The only way their fiefdoms would ever disappear is if we eat them. They will all start to speak of a co-ordinated effort."
"Not a co-ordinated effort!"
"Yes, a good thing, as coordinated efforts take at least two years to organize - sometimes much longer, sometimes important things never get co-ordinated. Too much effort, I guess."
"But what if they do?" "Remember the bunnies. When they almost ate the University of Victoria, the two-legged developed a plan after many years. A plan based on what they like to do. They call themselves snowbirds, and they like to go to resorts in the south.
They sent the bunnies, at great expense, to Texas. Now I know as I get older, and find the winters wetter and colder, I would like to get captured and be sent to a resort in Texas, where the two-legged actually feed you."
"So what should we do?" "We have at least 10 years of task forces, and scientific evidence, and action plans, and elections, and re-drafting recommendations and co-ordinated efforts before the twolegged will do anything.
And then they will offer us older folks snowbird status in a nice resort in Texas, or maybe California.
"So go forth, eat, and multiply!"
The conclave stamped their feet. The 10-point buck brought the meeting to an end, and they romped off. I rushed home to try and save the last of the rose bushes.
Bob Plecas spent more than 20 years in the provincial government and worked under six premiers.
