In case you lost the paper fridge calendar with scenic photos of the Rocky Mountains that your real estate agent mails you every year, let me remind you that today is World Sustainable Gastronomy Day. Callooh! Callay!
National Days arose during the Era of Nationalism in the 19th century. It just sort of happened. Most people were distracted at the time, getting the hang of new technologies such as the Winchester repeating rifle and soap.
Those were heady times! The colony of Vancouver Island was established in 1849, and the first Hudson’s Bay Days Sale took place on Douglas Street, named after Englishman James Douglas, who was sent to negotiate land purchases with all the people he could find who did not own Winchester repeating rifles.
In 1858, the colony of British Columbia was officially established on the mainland, partially in response to the discovery of gold on the Thompson River, which brought in boatloads of desperate, possibly soapless, men from all over the world. Something had to be done, and our forebears landed on making other people feel excluded and inferior, or “nationalism.”
Nationalism is based on the idea that it is good to promote the values and norms of your culture, especially above the values and norms of other cultures. “Other cultures” is a kind of code used to mean foreign devils who are by definition awful and better off bombed and/or enslaved, then forced to watch our television programs.
Nationalism explains why today, hordes of mediocre people chant “USA! USA! USA!” despite all evidence pointing to this being a better accusation than a cheer.
Nations come and nations go, but most often at the request of those nations with tanks and/or intercontinental ballistic missiles. As borders shift, new nations get to celebrate new Independence Days!
For example, the aforementioned Americans celebrate on July 4, when actor-rapper Will Smith punched those tentacled aliens at the Oscars ceremony or something. The people of Bangladesh celebrate their Independence Day on March 26, declaring their freedom from Pakistan in 1971.
The people of Pakistan celebrate their Independence Day on Aug. 14, declaring their freedom from Britain in 1947. The people of Britain celebrate their … It’s the beautiful circle of life, by which I actually mean death.
Of course, not every National Day is about war and death. Some come with more of a “Look at me! Look at me!” vibe.
For example — and I swear I am not making this up — May 4 is National Self-Employed Day, National Star Wars Day, National Day Of Prayer, World Password Day, Bird Day, National Orange Juice Day, National Day Of Reason, National Renewal Day, National Weather Observers’ Day, and National Candied Orange Peel Day.
This list is clear and compelling evidence that somebody needs a hug. A lot of people.
Before you ask, yes there is a National Hugging Day (Jan. 21), which makes me worry maybe we don’t have enough days in the year to cover all the people who need a special day for their cause/passion/excuse/meal ticket.
Not all National Days are tied to specific dates. For example, the first Monday in August is B.C. Day, and Nanaimo Heritage Day takes place if/when enough people show up.
Easter is the first Sunday after the ecclesiastical full moon that occurs on or soonest after March 21, whatever that means. Mother’s Day is always the day when we least expect and prepare for it.
Idle hands are the foreign devil’s playthings, meaning unoccupied and bored people will invariably find mischief, such as protesting This, That, and also The Other Thing, or inventing National Days in support of whichever way the wind is blowing.
Taking a quick glance at my fridge calendar, I have to ask the natural question that comes to mind: Doesn’t anybody have a job to go to anymore?
I am a proud Canadian and this is not a pro-globalism tract. I think nations and national borders are fine as they are (hey, Vladimir, we’re looking at you). I just want us to show the rest of the world the BEST of what Canada means to us.
You know, a sweet-as-maple-syrup nature, a welcoming spirit as wide as our prairies, and the live-and-let-live attitude we’re still trying out with Quebec, even though they unleashed Céline Dion on us without permission.
Regardless of your views concerning the Queen of Power Ballads, we can all be grateful that Céline has ensured Stiff Person Syndrome Awareness Day (March 15) will forever be recognized thanks to her announcement last year that she suffers from the rare disease. I promise I am not making this up (please, no protests).
Let me close with a gentle but extremely important reminder that National David Day is Sept. 8. Mark your fridge calendars and come with fantastically expensive gifts, or I will protest hard until somebody gives me a hug.
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