There are many things in our society that were once important pieces of our culture and society, but have not aged particularly well.
If you have watched any old Disney movies on the Disney+ streaming site, you will see warnings for things such as tobacco use, racial stereotypes and mistreatment of people and culture in films such as Lady and the Tramp, Peter Pan and Fantasia.
I was in the car with my daughter listening to a ’90s radio station and the song Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny’s Child started to play. The chorus lyrics are:
Can you pay my bills?
Can you pay my telephone bills?
Do you pay my automo’ bills?
If you did then maybe we could chill
I don’t think you do
So, you and me are through.
As the song played, I looked at my daughter and said: “This song didn’t age well.”
If you are unfamiliar, the lead singer of the group was Beyoncé, one of the most independent, strong and powerful women in the pop-culture scene. Today, she wouldn’t be singing about needing a man to pay for her.
These examples are little time stamps on where we were as a society at the time (not everyone, but generally, as a collective).
As you read this, you too may be thinking of examples of things that didn’t age well.
I’ve taught a course on multicultural management and communication this semester at Royal Roads University.
My students were from 13 different countries. We worked together to learn about how different people and cultures communicate and how individuals can develop their cultural intelligence to be respectful, understanding and clear when communicating with people different from them.
It was then that I started to think of the Golden Rule that most, if not all, of us were raised to follow.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is what I was taught. There are other ways to phrase it, such as “Treat others as you would want to be treated.” Both work.
If we follow the Golden Rule as it’s worded, we are assuming everyone wants to be treated as we do.
But different cultures have different cultural norms. Here in Canada, someone may want to be complimented on an outfit or hairstyle, where in Germany, complimenting someone’s appearance isn’t common practice and could be received as odd.
Some people might love to have public recognition for an accomplishment — it would make them feel valued — but someone from a culture rooted in humility would see it as a negative thing, because it is rude to appear better than others in your group.
Cultures, race and religion aside, we are all individuals with our own personalities, comfort levels and preferences.
I thought of the term Platinum Rule, then Googled it to see if it already existed, and it does. Dr. Tony Alessandra wrote a book by the same title. Alessandra’s rule reads: “Treat others the way they want to be treated.”
I would like to propose a slight change to this Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, in a way they will appreciate.” (Please forgive my adaptation of the biblical version — if you have suggestions, please let me know.)
The message of the Golden Rule is to be kind and demonstrate what that means to you. I see this upgrade as being kind and demonstrating what “kind” means to the other person. It’s an art, not a science.
If this seems a little daunting or complicated, stick to the original Golden Rule — there’s a reason it’s been around so long.
It’s also OK to watch old Disney movies or listen to hit music from decades earlier. We can use the experiences of revisiting these moments in time for both nostalgia and to see how we have grown as people and society.
Maybe in 30 years, the things we thought we were doing well now might receive the same scrutiny.
