Jack Knox: Take Jack’s Victoria Day quiz

Jack Knox mugshot genericVictoria Day. How many of you grew up thinking it was named for the city, not the queen? To gauge your degree of Victoriousness, answer the following questions:

To discourage urination on streets and sidewalks, the City of Victoria is positioning half a dozen open-air “peeosks” downtown on weekend nights. What else would be effective in stopping people from peeing on the streets?

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A. Common decency

B. Your mother

C. YouTube

D. A night in the drunk tank, followed by 6 a.m. scrub-brush duty downtown

Victoria Coun. Ben Isitt wants the city’s carriage-tour horses retired by 2023. What would you like to see retired by 2023?

A. Race horses

B. Riding-stable horses

C. Show-jumping horses

D. City-council hobby horses

It remains harder to find marijuana in Victoria now than it was before pot became legal in October. What else should they make less prevalent through legalization?

A. Bus-lane cheating

B. Not picking up after your dog

C. Public urination

D. Crack

What should go in the spot by city hall where the statue of Sir John A. Macdonald stood?

A. Mr. Floatie

B. The Matthew Begbie statue that New Westminster council just gave the boot

C. Howard the Gnome, except position him so that he peers over the roof into Centennial Square

D. A peeosk

The statue on the legislature roof is:

A. Capt. George Vancouver

B. Capt. James Cook

C. Capt. Juan Francisco de la Bodega y Quadra

D. Afraid of Lisa Helps

What took less time to complete than the 110-metre, $105-million Johnson Street Bridge?

A. The blue bridge it replaced

B. The Second World War

C. The Canadian Pacific Railway

D. All of the above. Really. For a bridge so short you could clear it with a pitching wedge.

More than two years after voting to replace the Crystal Pool, Victoria council has just approved yet another study into yet another possible location for the $70-million facility (more like $90 million, the Grumpy Taxpayers say) bumping the likely completion date to 2024. Your reaction is:

A. Given history, just add 40 per cent to the cost and completion date

B. Well, at least the McKenzie Interchange project is on ti … Wait, what?

C. “I registered for Baby And Me classes, but by the time it opened I was in Seniors’ Aquafit”

D. Langford quietly did a deal in which developer Westhills built a pool/library/music academy complex for $30 million and leased the pool to the Y, which gets $950,000 a year from the municipality to run the joint. Ha ha, stupid Langford, underpaying for its recreational facilities.

 

Victoria’s highest point is:

A. Mount Doug

B. Mount Tolmie

C. Mount Finlayson

D. The legislature lawn on 4:20

Some Victorians loathe the old “Home of the newly wed and the nearly dead” line. What would be preferable?

A. “Victoria: Bike-lane debates and two-sailing waits”

B. “West Shore, home of the Langford Sprawl and the Colwood Crawl”

C. “Dysfunction-by-the-Sea: 2Saaniches2Many”

D. The Globe and Mail’s description: “Victoria, where the word ‘hip’ is usually followed by ‘replacement’”

Colwood doesn’t like the name Colwood Crawl. In the 15 minutes you spend inching from Royal Roads to the Juan de Fuca rec centre, decide which of these you prefer:

A. Langford Limbo

B. Sooke Slink

C. View Royal Pain in the Butt

D. The Inevitable Consequence of Having 13 Municipalities and No Co-ordinated Transportation Plan

When angry clients demand to speak to your boss, you refer them to:

A. Garry Oaks

B. William Head

C. Ross Bay

D. Wanda Fuca

The Victoria Day Parade is

A. A treasured local tradition

B. Fun for the first 11 hours

C. Slightly shorter and slower than the Costco checkout on a rainy Sunday

D. Still faster than Malahat long-weekend traffic, but with fewer clowns

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