What is compassion? For many of us, the first place we go to answer the question is to the word “pity.” The American healthcare reformer and philosopher Rachel Remen (rachelremen.com) notes an important distinction between helping, fixing and serving. Both helping and fixing assume a hierarchy, that is, that I as the helper or fixer assume that you need to be helped or fixed, that I take pity on you and then use my great skills to improve your lot. Service, on the other hand, assumes that my role and yours are to serve each other, that there is a part of who we are as humans that is wired to serve the good, by serving each other, reciprocally. It is that service that is far closer to a healthier understanding of compassion.
Compassion is recognizing that the pain or joy in you at any given time is only a heartbeat away from me. Compassion is serving each other at times of pain and of joy and knowing that when my turn comes, you’ll be there for me.
It was this thinking that inspired a group of about 100 everyday people, social entrepreneurs, social advocates, politicians and thinkers from across the Capital Region to gather at Christ Church Cathedral in Victoria for a two-and-a-half-day conference called Nurturing Healthy Communities from Jan. 24 to 26.
A focus of the conference was compassion in the 21st Century (charterforcompassion.org). Very importantly, 21st-century compassion is really about action, and fundamental outcomes of the conference were actions that individuals and groups could take, right now, without depending on government, for example, to nurture healthy communities. For example:
1. Changing our frame of reference from consumers to citizens. All too often, we are described, and frankly describe ourselves, as consumers. In fact we are much more than automatons that buy; we are human beings who are smart, creative, provocative and fun to be around. So, next time you are described as a consumer, push back.
2. Keep on learning. Some years ago, a parishioner of my church was dying. She was 94. The priest who was with her asked if she had a message she wanted him to take back to the community. She looked him in the eye and said, “Tell them I kept learning.” Ninety-four years old and learning.
3. Begin and continue a daily discipline that explores four questions: What went well today? Where did I mess up today? How can I make amends? And what am I thankful for today? Some people might journal their answers, while others just sit quietly after the kids are in bed and ask themselves the questions. The win is that after a while, the answers to questions 1 and 4 grow, and the number of answers to 2 and 3 often decrease. And you’ll find yourself thinking more about other people.
One of the important conclusions of the conference was that as important as institutions are, real change comes from the work of individuals and small groups wanting to make a change. One of the guest speakers from the conference was Anthony Dancer, a Justice Commissioner from New Zealand who told a great story about boats blockading the arrival of nuclear U.S. warships. While many believed the Anglican Church of New Zealand was instrumental in the blockade, the truth was that it began when a theology and ethics professor decided to take his students on a field trip to experience social ethics.
Healthy communities are not simply the job of government; they are our individual and collective responsibilities. The question is: What are you going to do and be to make your block a better, safer and healthier place for every single person?
Rev. Alisdair Smith is Deacon and Business Chaplain at Christ Church Cathedral, Vancouver.
