Tired of the inefficiencies of conventional online dating, two Victoria men have redesigned courtship with a new website.
At Ladies Choice Victoria, a hetero-specific site, women make the first move. It's something creators and friends Paul Ripley and Adam Bard say will improve the chances of a real conversation happening.
"It's a bit of a social experiment," said Ripley, who is also manager of project planning at Royal Roads University.
Both men and women in the Capital Regional District can make profiles for free at ladieschoicevictoria.com. Then it's up to women to make the first contact. Only after a woman "winks" or sends a man a message can he see her profile and respond.
Since launching at the end of September, Ladies Choice Victoria has already attracted more than 100 users.
Ripley was inspired by his own experience on popular sites such as OKCupid and Plenty of Fish.
The gender imbalance, typically heavier on men than women, can be unsatisfying for both, he said.
Men end up playing a numbers game by sending multiple messages to multiple women, in hopes of increasing their chances of receiving a response. There's less incentive to put energy into personalizing each message, since it can get lost in the noise.
As a result, women may be overwhelmed by low-quality, generic contact from men.
In a test case, Bard - a web developer - created a false female profile on Plenty of Fish. Within an hour, he'd received 15 messages.
"But the problem was, of course, that the majority of those - the vast majority - were absolute crap," said Ripley. One man on the site sent the exact same form message twice within the span of an hour. Another sent a message that said only, "DTF?" said Ripley, adding, "I don't know if you're familiar with that acronym, but you can look it up."
He found things went much more smoothly when women reached out to him first, so he knew they were interested.
On Ladies Choice Victoria, men work on their profiles, then wait for a message. Women can browse men's profiles, but are invisible until they make first contact. It has the added benefit of privacy for women.
"It's very discreet - the only people who will ever see your profile are guys you've expressed interest in," said Ripley. "And the only messages you'll ever get are from guys that you're interested in."
For men, Ripley recommends relaxing and carrying on with life once their profiles are up. There's no opportunity to feel disappointed when someone you like doesn't respond to your messages.
"That can be a really frustrating experience and it can also be a self-esteem hit. But if you don't know who's out there, if you don't know who's on the site, you can't feel down about someone not responding to you."
The choice to go local was an easy one for Ripley and Bard, who both grew up in Victoria - attending Willows Elementary School, Oak Bay High School and later the University of Victoria.
Who wants to date someone in Vancouver? Users can search by neighbourhood or municipality within the Capital Regional District. The site is even adorned with local imagery, rather than the generic photos that typically accompany dating sites.
If Ladies Choice Victoria does well, Ripley and Bard will consider replicating the model in other regions. But for now, they're committed to offering an alternative way to meet people online here.
"If I could change the way people do online dating in Victoria - that's what I'm trying to do," said Ripley, who recommends looking at online dating as just another way to meet new people.
"I always tell people it's another tool in your toolbox. Don't stop networking and meeting people in person. This is just another tool."
