Dear Lisi: My son’s best friend decided to take a gap year between high school and university. He’s a smart kid and I highly respected his decision to take a year to figure out exactly what he wants to study, or at least, have some idea. His parents were surprised by his choice but they’re open and easygoing, and talked it through with their son.
The end decision was that he would work and study and make the most of his time off. I don’t know what happened over the summer, but he seems to have fallen off his path. My son started university in the fall but came home for the holidays. I asked him about his friend, and he told me that they haven’t spoken in two months!
I asked him why, but he doesn’t know. His friend just stopped answering his calls. He heard through his friend’s cousin that he’s been doing a whole lot of nothing. With my son’s permission, I called his friend’s mom. She said her son was fine, it was all rumours, he’s working and taking a course.
I asked her if she knew why her son and my son weren’t talking, and she had no idea! But she also didn’t seem bothered and quickly changed the subject.
I’m confused, hurt for my son, but also feel like something is amiss. What do I do from here?
Doesn’t add up
Unfortunately, nothing. These boys are in their late teens; they must figure things out for themselves. Your son asked for your help by agreeing to let you call his friend’s mom. You did and got nowhere. I feel sad for your son that he’s lost his bestie, and I feel sad for the friend that he seems to have lost his way. But you cannot get more involved.
FEEDBACK Regarding the ongoing pandemic (Nov. 22):
Reader – “I’m a frequent reader of your column in the Hamilton Spectator. Recently you’ve given advice suggesting that ‘we’ve learned how to live with the virus’ or ‘we can’t blame the pandemic anymore.’ To some extent I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t exactly agree. The pandemic is ongoing.
“The ‘emergency’ stage has been declared over by a variety of international agencies (WHO, CDC, Health Canada), but those same agencies are clear that the pandemic has not ended. While deaths from acute COVID have dropped, they are still occurring. Moreover, many people still suffer from the cognitive impairment which is a hallmark of long COVID. There are no medicines for these conditions; there is no cure for long COVID. Some people do heal over time (months or years) but most research on the topic says that people affected by long COVID rarely recover to 100 per cent of their pre-COVID capacity.
“The only prevention for long COVD is avoiding acute COVID in the first place. Vaccination helps, but most people are woefully behind on their vaccinations. The best preventative strategy is wearing a high-quality mask in any indoor public space and reducing social contacts, especially shared dining. I understand this is unappealing to some people but it’s the only thing that works reliably.
“I think it’s important not to minimize people’s concerns over their health and the pandemic. Many people prefer to live their lives as if COVID does not exist, but this is not rational. To criticize those who remain vigilant in their daily choices is problematic because they are making sacrifices to protect themselves and by extension protecting those around them. People who catch and transmit COVID frequently are prolonging the pandemic and harming their community.”
Dear Readers: — sometimes a question deserves another go-around (Nov. 27):
How can I get my husband to help more with our brand-new puppy?
A puppy needs lots of love, attention and most importantly, routine. If you walk, feed, and play with him before you leave for work, he should be ready for a nap. That will allow your husband to start his workday. When the puppy wakes up, your husband should take him for a walk so he can go to the bathroom and give him some attention back at home.
There are multiple puppy toys that can occupy the dog while your husband goes back to work. Lunch and another quick walk, and maybe some cuddles while he works online.
If he’s having trouble breaking up his workday, which is legit, reach out to friends and family, and see if anyone can help on a regular basis. Also, consider crate training, doggie daycare and perhaps hire a dogwalker.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected] or [email protected]
