Dear Lisi: My wife and I are newly married, after dating and living together for nearly five years. I thought I knew her well, and vice versa. We discussed so many things about living together, getting married, family, retirement, etc. But I realize the one thing we forgot to discuss was timing.
One of my groomsmen is dating one of her bridesmaids and they decided it would be a great idea to get us a puppy. My wife is over the moon in love with this puppy. I love dogs, but I wasn’t ready to be tied down to my house. I thought my bride and I would have at least a year of being newlyweds to do what we wanted, when we wanted. Without having to worry about how long a dog can hold its bladder.
I feel trapped and we’ve been married less than a minute.
Doggy-trapped
Unless your wife asked your friends to get you this puppy as a wedding gift, it’s as much a surprise to her as it is you. She may also have hoped for the carefree first year as newlyweds that you spoke of. But now her heart belongs to this puppy.
It may not be as spontaneous as you had imagined, but why don’t you sit down and think of all the things you had hoped to do this year. Then remove a few from the list and push the time back a bit. Give your puppy two months at least to house train and settle in. Then gently ask your friends — the same ones who gave you the pup — to either move in and puppy-sit or take the puppy to their house while you guys go do some things on your wishlist.
Now you know what to get them for their wedding present when the time comes.
Dear Lisi: When I was a young teenager, I had a crush on my cousin’s best friend.
Our families spent a lot of time together and this boy seemed to always be at my cousin’s house.
It was an innocent crush because there were six years between us, and I was 13. But I was infatuated, obsessed and thought of nothing else.
Life continued, years passed, my cousin moved away, and I forgot about that guy. It’s 15 years later and I literally just bumped into him at a bookstore near my office. I recognized him immediately and started sweating. He asked if he knew me from somewhere, and I told him my name, and the connection through my cousin. And then I ran off, muttering something about work.
He just reached out to me on social media. What do I do?
Teenage crush
You reply. Maybe he just wants to get in touch with your cousin. Maybe he just wanted to ask about your cousin’s family, and your family, since he spent so much time with everyone. But maybe he wants to ask you on a date. You won’t know unless you reply. Take it one step at a time.
FEEDBACK Regarding the mother who misses work because of her sick child (April 5):
Reader 1 — “As a paralegal, I’d like to say to the mom getting a hard time when she must miss work for her sick child, there is legal protection. Under Human Rights law in Ontario (and all Canadian jurisdictions have similar legislation), an employer must accommodate for ‘family status’ up to the point of ‘undue hardship’. Missing a day or two every month or two is not going to be ‘undue hardship’. Her manager needs a lesson in the law, or it could get quite costly for him or her.”
Reader 2 — “It sounds like she may have a family status-based right to accommodation under the Human Rights Code (or other similar legislation). The employer has an obligation to accommodate to the point of undue hardship, which can only be made out under specific enumerated grounds in the statute.
“If the writer worked from home during the pandemic (which it sounds like she did), I think the employer would struggle to make out undue hardship in permitting her to work from home in response to her daughter’s needs.
“I recognize of course that you’re not a lawyer and that you can’t provide legal advice. I further recognize that I don’t have all the relevant facts based on your column.
“But I think pointing her in the direction of her potential human rights entitlements would benefit her. She may be able to get free advice from the Human Rights Legal Support Centre as well (in Ontario).”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your questions to [email protected].
