Dear Lisi: I’m having an issue with my university professor. I don’t understand what he’s trying to say half the time in his class, so I meet with him during his office hours for extra help. During that time, he tells me I’m doing fine in the class and to not be so worried. He asks me about my parents, who he knows from childhood, and wants to chat with me about when they were young. But his time slots are only 30 minutes long and he wastes all that time.
I booked another session with him and specifically said I only want to discuss class work, but again he told me I was doing fine and not to stress out. I’m stressed out! We have a paper due soon and I have no idea what to write!
How can I get this man to focus on the topic at hand and not be so friendly with me?
Prof slof
For whatever reason, this professor isn’t taking you seriously as one of his students. It may be related to how familiar he feels with you since he’s friendly with your parents, which is lovely, but not helpful. I would bypass him and find someone else to help you. Is there a TA for the class? Or another student you could ask for help?
Sometimes you just have to figure out ways of getting help from other sources. And, if possible, avoid this professor’s courses.
Dear Lisi: My boyfriend comes from a very wealthy family. His mother has never worked, and his sister is only finishing off university because she loves hanging out with her friends. She doesn’t have a career path or any work-related ambition. It’s not her fault, that’s how she was raised.
I’m a dental assistant, working my way through school to become a dentist. I know it’s long hours, hard work, and not for everyone, but the end result of being a dentist has always been my dream.
My boyfriend and I met through friends at a bar, and we hit it off immediately; you could say it was love at first sight. He is ambitious and modern but will use all of that to help in the family business, to which he has always been groomed and fortunately finds interesting.
Recently, we were together at his house for a family gathering, and all his aunts and cousins were asking when we’re getting married, having children and giving up my dental work. But I don’t want to give up my dental work. I was so upset on the way home, I barely spoke.
What do I do?
Old ways
In your letter, you didn’t mention how your boyfriend feels about your dreams, and your future together as a couple. So, I can only assume you didn’t discuss it with him. He may assume that you understand what being married to him means, that is, you no longer need to work so why would you. Or…. he may love your ambition and understand that it’s important to you and accept that even though you don’t have to work for financial gain, you want to continue with your career.
He may love that about you.
So have a heart-to-heart with your man. See how he feels. Maybe he’s not even ready to make the next step, so it doesn’t matter what you do. Just talk to him. If you’ve been together long enough that his family is asking questions, he knows you well enough to know what you want out of life. I have a strong feeling you two will make this work.
FEEDBACK Regarding the bad breath date (Feb. 22; April 4):
Reader 1 – “A yeast infection in the throat from oral sex could be the problem. It may not hurt or be obvious in any other way but awful breath. Antibiotics should fix it up.”
Reader 2 – “I, too, suffered from bad breath for many years. First, I discovered that eating meat and drinking milk together gave me bad breath, so I stopped that. Then I discovered that tiny food particles were stuck between my teeth even after brushing and that these particles decay very quickly and were a major source of the problem. I now carry small, soft plastic gum picks and I always have a water bottle with me so it’s very easy to rinse my mouth. Every night I floss and brush my teeth with toothpaste (brush in the morning also and during the day if convenient). No more bad breath! I couldn’t be happier.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your questions to [email protected]
