Dear Lisi: Two weeks ago, my husband insisted I join him on a trip out to a specialty store for golf gear. I don’t play golf. I don’t know anything about golf. It’s his thing, he goes twice a week with friends, he’s happy.
The store was 45 minutes away from our home, and we spent two hours shopping, choosing, and purchasing a very expensive set of clubs. Afterwards, we drove straight home.
A few hours later, our son called to say he was running late and could he meet us at the restaurant, as we were going out together for Mother’s Day. I said sure, but when I went to tell my husband, he said he was too tired to join us.
My son and I had a lovely dinner but inside I’m seething that my husband hijacked my day, and then wore himself out doing so. I’m so angry and I can’t shake it.
Skewed priorities
Have you asked your husband why he needed to run this important errand on that particular day, and why he needed you along for the ride? There’s not enough information here for me to even guess. Could he have forgotten it was Mother’s Day?
As I told another reader, get it out of your system once and for all. Put it behind you. When you feel calm, ask your husband why he needed you. Talk it through. Then clearly let him know how you’d like next Mother’s Day to be, and move on.
Dear Lisi: I grew up with a single mom, with her friends as “family.” They’d include us in all of their celebrations, and treated me like a niece.
One of my “aunt’s”died recently. My mom never really liked her husband and they didn’t have any kids. After the funeral was over, I didn’t think I’d ever see my “uncle” again. About six months later, he reached out to me to have lunch. I agreed but didn’t tell my mom.
We met a few times, and I even brought my boyfriend to join us once. After that, I didn’t hear from him again. My mom noticed I was upset and I finally told her that I had seen him a few times and now he’d basically ghosted me. She was furious.
The next day, a few of my other “aunts” and my mom were waiting for me at home after school. They told me I was never allowed to see or speak to that man again, and they told me why. I was so shaken and now I’m afraid to go anywhere alone.
Why didn’t someone tell me about this man and his past before? And why was he allowed anywhere near me or my little sister?
Shaking with Anger
Your letter goes into detail about what this man did in his past, which is not for me to repeat. I wholeheartedly agree that he should never have been allowed anywhere near you, your house or your sister. But I’m going to guess that your mom had a very close relationship with his wife and she was trying to show support the best way she knew how.
You were too young to be told anything, and, thankfully, you were never alone with him. Once the friend died, your mother probably breathed a sigh of relief to never have to see that man again. Not knowing the story, you missed this male figure in your life who you knew nothing negative about, and it’s no wonder you were open to meeting him for lunch.
I am sure your mother wishes she had told you, which is why she brought her “sisters” in for moral support. It’s a tough story to share with an innocent teenager. Thankfully nothing untoward happened.
Don’t be angry with your mom for trying to protect you. But also, don’t carry this around with you. Move forward.
FEEDBACK regarding the guy who just got dumped by his girlfriend (April 28)
Reader – “I agree with you; I question their relationship. If there really was something between them, they would have found a way to spend some quality time together. Even if they were both stressed out from work, a brief meeting could help them unwind.
“If she was truly interested in him, wouldn’t she have been able to find a way to get together?”
Reader 2 – “He needs to get over himself. He said ‘I don’t have much time for her during the week, and she has no time for me during the weekend.’
“This isn’t going to work.”
Lisi – I get the feeling he’s more upset about being dumped then about actually losing this woman.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected] or [email protected]
