Dear Lisi: My daughter is inappropriately loud and obnoxious. She just turned 12 and her behaviour is becoming noticeably more awkward. She was always loud, funny, silly and lacking a filter, but it didn’t matter when she was little. Nothing she said was of any consequence or remotely hurtful.
Now the things that come out of her mouth embarrass the people she’s with and/or talking to. We’ve tried discussing it with her, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. The teachers haven’t called us to tell us about any strange behaviour at school, but I think they’re just used to her. Unfortunately, I did get a call from the mom of one of my daughter’s friends, saying that my daughter had really hurt her daughter’s feelings and refuses to apologize.
We talked to our daughter about that specifically, but she seemed genuinely to not know what she did or see the need to apologize. I’m wondering if we’re missing something.
Worried dad
I conferred with a child psychologist on this situation because my first reaction is that you are, in fact, missing something. But what, I am not qualified to say. The psychologist suggests it could be simple social immaturity, which your daughter will eventually grow out of, or she could be on the autism spectrum, or have undiagnosed attention deficit disorder, with or without the hyperactivity component.
A professional will be able to ask you the specific questions, regarding whether her social inappropriateness has changed and how, where her unfiltered comments happen more, as in, at school, at home, or out and about in the community.
He/she can also investigate your family history for more understanding and information. Basically, my suggestion is for you to speak with your pediatrician, giving your doctor all the necessary information, in hopes that they can then rule things in and out, and lead you in the right direction, whatever that may be.
Dear Lisi: The other day, I went to get my hair cut. A cute guy walked in after me, said hi to the owner and another woman getting her hair done, and then got his hair washed. I was done and left before he came out of the back room.
I went to the small grocery store a few doors down to pick up some things and as I turned down an aisle, he was there. So, I commented on his cut. He thanked me and commented on mine. Then he asked if I go there often and told me it was his regular spot.
We kept going about our own business, and I left without seeing him again. I put my things in the car and decided to grab a coffee. When I got back to my car, he was standing right beside it.
I joked that he was following me, and he said, “Maybe I am.” It wasn’t creepy, it was flirty and cute. So, I asked him what he was doing for the holidays, and he replied, “Going to my girlfriend’s parents’ house for dinner.”
I wished him a happy holiday and drove off.
Why would someone flirt so obviously only to tell you that they have a partner?
Confusion
I have no idea other than to guess that this guy found you attractive and wanted to let you know. You both sound young, early to mid-20s, so perhaps his relationship isn’t super serious. Don’t take it personally, or even spend one more minute thinking about it. It’s OK to say hello to people you find attractive. It’s not OK to lead them on.
FEEDBACK Regarding the husband trying to convince his wife to get a dog (Nov. 2):
Reader — “I read your response to Doggy Daddy and agreed, until you mention finding a ‘breeder.’
“Currently every dog shelter across Ontario is overwhelmed with unwanted pets of all ages, sizes and breeds. Some are purebreds; others are just amazing animals looking for forever homes.
“I suggest they go on some shelter websites, look at the animals available and schedule a meet-and-greet.
“Before selecting any dog, they should think about why they want a dog, and how much time they have to dedicate. Do they want a calm, lazy dog to hang out with? Maybe a senior dog? Or do they plan to run 10k daily with it? Do they want a guard dog, or a playful one that interacts well with small children? So many things to consider, but if they plan, there is a higher chance of success with their new family member.”
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected] or [email protected]
