Dear Ellie: I’m 40 and love my husband of 15 years. We have a healthy relationship, raising three children in the city.
My husband’s job is very stressful, so he finds ways to relax in the evenings and on weekends.
Part of that de-stressing comes from non-traditional remedies such as pot and edibles.
I’m fine with him using/ingesting these, because they make him calmer and more fun.
But he’s becoming more stressed, and hard to be around when he’s not on anything.
It can’t be good for him to ALWAYS be high, but I have to admit, I like him better when he is.
What do you think about this?
Like his Ups, not his Downs
I think he needs to re-assess his job stress as well as the strong effects on him of cannabis withdrawal.
At 40, he needs to consider whether the level of job stress is harmful to his physical and emotional health, rather than keep relying on addictive substances to relax him.
This is particularly needed now that the periods of withdrawal are having a greater negative effect on him.
It’s a health issue that he should investigate through a physician who understands the benefits as well as any harmful effects of frequent cannabis use.
The fact that he no longer tolerates the “down” periods off his drug of choice, is a wake-up call that something’s not working well for him.
It may be the job, and/or his approach to it. It may be the level of tetraetrahydrocannabinol (THC) in the cannabis he’s smoking/ingesting.
To understand how confusing that chemical information can be, here’s a 2019 blog from MCS Modern Canna labs:
“According to a recent marijuana edibles study — conducted by a team at Johns Hopkins University — only 17 per cent of edibles were accurately labelled in regards to THC concentration.
“Of the 75 edibles tested, 23 per cent had more THC than advertised, while 60 per cent had less.
“The researchers found that some edibles contained significantly more THC than labelled (up to 50 per cent more), placing (medical cannabis) patients at risk of experiencing serious adverse effects.
“In contrast,lower than anticipated THC levels could lead to ineffective treatments.”
Since your husband is now experiencing more noticeable mood swings between his use and non-use of cannabis, it’s time for him to get factual health and mood-related information regarding his use of cannabis for stress relief and its effects.
Then he can either adjust his usage, or re-think how he’s approaching his job and whether there are other approaches that can help him handle it.
Regarding the woman who worried how to tell a man that he didn’t arouse her due to his small penis size (Dec. 13):
Reader: The woman could use some sex education.
I suggest that the guy may not be fully passionate about her, or be tired or have physical problems (Ellie: this approach presumes that these are what’s affecting his erection, rather than his size).
And she may not be fully passionate about him, also affecting his erection and passion level.
Both need to know the emotional and physical factors impacting their lovemaking.
I’d suggest that she tell him that they both aren’t passionate enough about each other.
Ellie: The reader here suggests that the letter-writer is wrongly assuming that this man is “too small” to satisfy her.
Instead, she can give their dating a chance by saying the lack of passion falls on both their sides.
It’s a kind approach that doesn’t dent his self-esteem, and might work.
Feeback regarding your call for readers to write about their Christmas rituals:
Reader: I always make an effort to attend a church Christmas Eve service. After the break-up of a 25-year marriage and four adult children not living close by, this special service gives me, like the Christmas carol says, “comfort and joy.”
I attend church quite regularly all year, but I’m never critical of those who only attend on the eve of Dec. 24.
In today’s world, any time people can be together to sing carols and greet one another with a Merry Christmas, it gives us hope that we can live in peace and goodwill.
Ellie: A lovely tradition. Having joined my school’s choir in Grade 7, I sang Christmas carols in many churches in the days leading up to Christmas Eve.
I now play them throughout the holiday, on my loudspeaker linked to my computer, singing along even as I’m writing.
Ellie’s tip of the day
Cannabis users need to learn more about the physical/mood effects of THC.
Send relationship questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.