He may seem like just another hard-working Mountie. But the commander-in-chief at Gabriola Island’s RCMP detachment is also a popular newspaper humorist.
Indeed, Cpl. Nathan Dame has readers as far as New York City.
I encountered Dame’s column for the first time while visiting Gabriola last weekend. It’s a regular feature in the Gabriola Sounder. (Gabriola was once a two-paper island; however the rival Flying Shingle — “the voice of Gabriola since 1972” hung up its shingle a few years ago.)
“You’ve got to read this,” said my wife, handing me the Gabriola Sounder. She pointed to Dame’s RCMP Report for Aug. 6 to 13.
The column reports a cyclist who got lost riding trails on Gabriola and phoned the police detachment. This person had become “disoriented [as] to their location and was unable to cycle their way out.”
Dame continued: “Const. Hilland in his all-wheel-drive police vehicle used his trail-driving savvy and was able to locate the cyclist, assisting [the person] out of the forest. The RCMP always gets their cyclist.”
This could be a quote line from one of Rod Beattie’s Walt Wingfield plays. It’s the sort of gentle humour that captures the essence of small town — or Gulf Island — life.
Another Dame item concerns the Gabriola Island ferry lineup for Nanaimo.
As the population has grown, the ferry line has taken on a life of its own, snaking extravagantly up the North Road and around Taylor Bay Road, almost to Descanso Bay Park.
It’s Gabriola’s version of a Beijing traffic jam — and tempers sometimes flare as drivers jockey for position. In his column, Dame explains the RCMP cannot change how traffic lines up for the ferry. He concludes with: “As Forrest Gump once said, ‘The ferry line is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.’ That’s a joke, I say, that’s a joke son. (Foghorn Leghorn).”
Intrigued by Dame’s RCMP Report column, I started digging up old ones.
From May 14: “Gabriola RCMP were requested to check on the well being of a male. The male was doing very well and was surprised at the sight of police at this door. The surprised look is common with some Gabriolans.”
Another item from May 15 concerned a complaint from a Gabriolan who was repeatedly bothered by a phone scammer.
“The scammers are not too smart or they have a short-term memory loss as the individual has told them repeatedly that they do not own a computer,” Dame writes.
From April 10: “A break and enter to a residence was reported and is believed to have occurred sometime in February. The suspects took a kettle, a couple of pieces of clothing and decided to leave a pair of lace underwear behind in exchange. The lace underwear does not cover the cost of damage to the residence, so this is still under investigation.”
Here are Dame’s “tips of the week” from July:
• “When you see a Gabriola RCMP officer, refrain from using any doughnut comments. This is an offensive comment. The Gabriola RCMP officers prefer croissants or bagels with their coffee.”
• “When attending a Gabriola RCMP residence early in the morning, it is unwise to be high on meth or any other substance. This may cause you discomfort and will likely not be in your favour.”
• “When indulging in a nice summer beverage please keep your clothing on in public. If you must disrobe, yelling will only draw attention to yourself and, as tip No. 2 states, this will likely not be in your favour.”
I phoned the comical cop to ask about the RCMP Report. Dame, who gets comments “every single day” about his column, insists he has no special gift for writing funny stuff.
“The material is just given to me and I just put it on the paper,” 43-year-old Dame said.
The police aren’t particularly known for their jocularity, at least when acting in an official capacity. Dame says he gets away with adding a pinch of humour to his reports because he’s the detachment commander. He believes it helps bridge the gap between police and 4,000 people who call Gabriola their home.
“There’s humour in everything, right? The idea was just to show what funny stuff is happening on Gabriola. And to build a relationship with the community,” said Dame, who moved with his family to the island a year ago.
Derek Kilbourn, editor of the Gabriola Sounder, says Dame’s RCMP Report is a hit with readers. “It’s well received, I can say that,” he said.
That’s an understatement. Thanks to Dame, the Gabriola Sounder is getting the kind of exposure any newspaper editor would envy.
“We’re getting a readership as far as New York, I’m being told,” Dame said. “People are logging onto the Sounder from New York to read it because they have friends here who’ve told them about it.
“That’s pretty cool.”