As we age, we have a new opportunity to learn the lessons of the heart so that when the film of our life is complete, the theatre erupts to shouts of ‘Bravo!’
— Paraphrasing a brochure promoting a spiritual retreat
That’s pretty much how I suspect some of us imagine our lives will end. We envision a great, dramatic sequence before our personal movie winds down — what screenwriters call the third act. Then, the music swells, the credits roll and there’s one final heart-stopping moment before the screen goes dark. The audience is in tears. Or they’re shaken. Or they’re laughing uncontrollably. We may be gone, but some director, somewhere, will soon be accepting an Oscar on our behalf.
Not all third acts demand pyrotechnics or melodrama. Not all call for intensity. My own seems to be a time of summation — a period when I’m trying to pull in the messy loose threads of a well-worn, stretched-out life.
But neatness only counts in grade school. Am I the only one who also secretly hopes to exit with a grand flourish, celebrated by my loved ones for my wisdom, my verve, my risk-taking?
Is that why I upended my life 10 years ago, leaving my job, my marriage and my city, when my third act was just kicking in for real?
Crises of faith and confidence are often attributed to our middle years. But my guess is that they really happen a few years later, when we have quite a bit more life behind us than we have in front. Consider these facts:
• Older people are more likely to divorce
According to a study conducted by two sociologists at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, of those who went through divorce in 2009, one in four was 50 or older. (It’s probable Canadian statistics are similar.)
They call it the grey divorce revolution. Interestingly, women are driving the trend, perhaps because they are more likely these days to be financially independent of their spouses.
Nora Spinks, who heads Ottawa’s Vanier Institute for the Family, provides this possible motive. “You’ve got more time to think about what kind of companion [you] want to have in those last 20 years of life — what kind of caregiving [do you] want to give and what do [you] want to receive,” she says.
All true, but I believe there’s more to it than that. We want one last heart-squeezing shot at happiness before time runs out.
• Professionally, older people are shaking it up
A recent study found that 54 per cent of baby boomers have either started a small business before retiring or are considering doing so. What’s more, about 40 per cent of workers over 65 are self-employed. Of course, some of the reasons for this trend are purely financial.
Others, however, speak to a more primitive drive. The urge to leave a legacy is a big factor, suggests one financial adviser, Wellington Holbrook.
“[Boomers] want to build something that is lasting,” he says.
Another factor comes into play, too. Boomers are better prepared to take chances. According to a recent survey conducted by the job site Monster.com, more than 40 per cent of us said we were ready to take risks.
By comparison, only 28 per cent of kids ages 18 to 29 were willing to jump into an unfamiliar fray.
• Geezers are on the move
I can only back this one up with anecdotes. Several years ago, I pulled up stakes and moved from one end of the country to the other. I can name seven friends and acquaintances who have done the same thing. Often, we did so without a clear plan — or even an obvious motivation. We just felt the script of our lives required a new location — an exotic setting to add a hint of mystery or romance.
Call it the third-act syndrome, but something seems to be admonishing us to go out with a bang. Our bodies may be failing us, but our spirits are pushing back, urging us to give caution a kick in the pants.
We’re all going to fade to black sooner or later. It’s only human to want to do so with a little panache.
