I don't normally go to the comments section on the Times Colonist's website for parenting advice, but since the newspaper published the story about the woman and her 20-month-old who were kicked off a Victoria transit bus when the toddler started yelling "no" repeatedly, there's been a plethora on offer.
I've been keenly poring over the suggestions in hopes of gleaning some helpful information on how to control my own 21-month-old in a similar situation. I just have a few questions:
- When I'm "flogging" my child, what material would you suggest: Rope? Leather belt? Wet towel?
- To "control" my toddler's vocalizations in public spaces, would you recommend cotton wool and duct tape, or a large burlap sack and bungee cords? Or, if I understand you correctly, perhaps with regular "floggings" at home my child would "quickly learn" not to vocalize in public?
- Is screaming in pain while being "flogged" an acceptable form of vocalization for a small child?
- When it comes to the word "no," how many would you consider sufficient, when uttered by a child at high volume, to trigger his or her removal from a bus: 0-3, 6-9 or 10-13? If the child is removed from the bus, and re-deposited on the next available bus, yet continues to say "no" loudly, does the threshold go up?
- B.C. Transit spokeswoman Joanna Morton suggested that the bus driver should have contacted a transit supervisor if he felt the toddler's outburst was interfering with his driving. Could the supervisor be expected to:
a) Take the toddler over his knee and give her a good spanking?
b) Say "cootchie-coo" and wiggle a stuffed elephant in her direction?
c) Speak to the toddler sternly and threaten to revoke her transit privileges? or
d) Bring an acoustic measuring device to determine if the noise in question exceeded Acceptable Limits for Children's Outbursts on Public Transit Vehicles?
By all means, those of you with the good sense to be childless have the "right" to be in public spaces without being "assaulted" by the sounds of unhappy small children. After all, you never had the shocking audacity to be a child. Even if you did have the misfortune to have once been a toddler, I'm confident you were largely a silent one, opening your mouths only to offer to assist your parents with household chores.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but if I understand fully, your real advice is that parents keep their children contained in their own homes until such time as they are civilized enough to be trusted not to offend your sensibilities in a public space -- say, when they're 23?
It's true that I -- like Jenny Manzer, apparently -- like to encourage my children to express themselves in public places, preferably with piercing shrieks and sustained wailing, if at all possible. Nothing makes me prouder as a parent than a lung-blowing, ear-shattering, brain-splitting meltdown on a transit bus or restaurant. "What fine projection, what excellent tone," I think to myself. "Why, with those pipes, she'll be an opera singer for sure!"
But, Lord knows, the last thing I want is to unleash another "spoiled, screaming brat" on the capital region. For one thing, she could grow up to be an intolerant, hateful, vitriol-spouting jerk.
All I can say is, parenting is tough. It's a good thing there are so many experts out there to help.
Patricia Coppard is a Times Colonist copy editor and mother of two.
