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David Bly: Witty or witless? It depends on perspective

As debates rage on various issues affecting southern Vancouver Island, it’s interesting to note how people use different words to describe the same thing, depending on perspective.

As debates rage on various issues affecting southern Vancouver Island, it’s interesting to note how people use different words to describe the same thing, depending on perspective.

Deer are either gentle, graceful creatures deserving of our love and protection, or garden-destroying vermin bent on killing pets and maiming humans.

In Greater Victoria, we are either letting natural processes disperse our wastes safely and cleanly, or we are ruining the ocean with our poop. That system is to be replaced with a plant that is either the latest technological marvel in sewage processing, or a billion-dollar boondoggle that will bankrupt the region and ruin the environment.

Cyclists are either lean, green pedalling machines whose frugal use of resources is an example to us all, or arrogant, speed-crazy road hogs with total disregard for courtesy and traffic laws.

Where you stand on an issue determines what words you use, and there is seldom middle ground.

In politics, my candidate is flexible; yours flip-flops. My party stands for traditional values; yours is stuck in the stone age. My candidate is guilty of a few youthful indiscretions in her journey toward self-discovery; yours is just plain guilty. My candidate is forthright and honest; yours is blunt and inconsiderate.

My party fought the good fight and made important gains; your party got whomped.

Shades of meaning are also important in discussing family matters.

My child is a free spirit; yours is an undisciplined brat. My kid marches to the beat of a different drummer; yours is a misfit. My children are verbally adept; yours can’t shut up. My child doesn’t depend on external recognition, such as good grades, to measure success; your child is flunking Grade 3.

My child has a rich imagination; your kid makes things up. My kid is self-confident; yours is cocky.

We humans don’t always judge ourselves by the same standards we use to judge others.

I’m delightfully eccentric; you’re an oddball. I sometimes put forth passionate arguments; you tend toward hysterical rants. I stand firmly by my well-informed opinions; you are stubbornly blind to the facts. I ponder all the evidence before I speak; you are slow off the mark.

I have a positive self-image; you are stuck on yourself. I am richly eloquent; you are merely verbose. I am frugal; you are a cheapskate.

My wealthy friend fought long and hard to get where he is; yours took no prisoners as he clawed his way to the top. I have an eclectic circle of friends; you hang around a motley assortment of losers. My brother has a colourful vocabulary; yours has a sewer for a mouth.

In certain trades, words are chosen carefully to create the right impression, which is why cars are “pre-owned,” rather than “used.”

Sometimes, words are not so carefully chosen. I was in a tire shop with my son who noticed a hand-lettered sign on a pile of new tires. “Are you sure this is what you want the sign to say?” my son asked the owner.

The man looked up from behind the counter, gasped and quickly removed the sign that said: “Huge blowout sale!”

Some find purpling the prose a profitable pursuit.

Years ago, in search of a new home for our growing family, we met a real estate agent who showed us a place she had advertised as a “character heritage home, with a detached carriage house and a sports stream flowing through the property.”

We stared, squinted and looked at it from all angles, but all we saw was a shabby old house in need of much repair, accompanied by a dilapidated garage and a mosquito-breeding slough along the back fence. It was a steal, she assured us, and on that point we were in complete agreement.

One of the most enjoyable aspects of my job is vetting letters to the editor. Words can be fearsome weapons or wonderful tools, and nowhere is that more apparent than in the expression of opinion.

So whether you are discoursing on deer, sewage, politics or the Island’s genial climate, rage on. Your words, however they are nuanced, are welcome (although our lawyer insists we filter some of them out).