Robyn felt her skin crawl every time she thought about her abuser.
The thought of running into him downtown pushed her into panic mode.
They were work colleagues. But one night last year, after they had a few drinks at a restaurant, she blacked out. Five hours later, she woke up at his apartment and realized she was being sexually assaulted.
“I felt terrible physically. I didn’t know what was going on with my surroundings. I was super-out of it. I was obviously feeling ashamed and disgusted because of what little I could remember.”
Robyn, not her real name, went to a walk-in clinic two days after the assault. The doctor examined her black eye, looked at her swollen face. He said too much time had gone by to test for drugs in her system. He asked if she considered reporting the sexual assault to police.
She didn’t want to go through that. She didn’t think she’d be believed.
“You hear so many women go to the police and nothing happens. It becomes even more traumatic than it was in the beginning,” she said. “Your whole character comes into question as to whether or not you’re lying. People judge you for being dirty and for allowing that sort of thing to happen to you.”
Her healing began with an Instagram post on @survivorstoriesprojects.
“I’d seen so many people posting about the guy from Chuck’s Burger Bar. One girl got the ball rolling. Then there were 15 posts on the survivors’ page and 45 women came forward,” said Robyn.
The posts written by other women gave her the courage to put her story out there anonymously without feeling she was going to be dragged through the mud.
“It felt good.”
People who read her story believed her and believed in her. Hundreds showed their support by posting a heart on her page.
“It was comforting. It was healing. I wasn’t just stuck wondering ‘Am I a bad person for not going to the police and letting this happen to other girls.’ That can cause a lot of stress.”
Then a second woman shared her story about the same man. Her experience was worse.
Social media can be a really impactful way for survivors to connect with one another, to find solidarity and to share their stories, said Carissa Ropponen, resources development and communications manager at the Victoria Sexual Assault Centre.
“For many, it can be an empowering way to do it. Not everyone wants to report to police or feels that reporting will be effective for them. Every survivor is different and the criminal justice system is a slow process that doesn’t always provide the justice survivors hope for,” she said.
Social media can be a very powerful tool to shift the way we talk and think about sexualized violence, said Ropponen.
“We’ve seen it with the #MeToo movement and certainly what we’re seeing in Victoria is sexual assault survivors having a place to speak out and knowing they also have support,” she said.
Stigma and victim blaming surrounds the issue of sexual assault. So having a community where you know you’ll be supported helps people speak out, said Ropponen. It also helps survivors recognize that what happened to them is not okay and needs to end.
The Victoria Sexual Assault Centre provides emotional support to sexual assault survivors who want to report to police and go through the criminal justice system. “It can be intimidating and challenging to access the criminal justice system and make a police report so many survivors want to know what their options are before they go forward with that,” she said. “We don’t make people report. It a survivor’s decision and we support their decision, whether they want to report or not report.”
The criminal justice system has a long history of perpetuating further harm, said Ropponen. The system needs to change so that survivors are believed and are treated with dignity.
Police need to look at the way they investigate sexual assaults and treat sexual assault survivors, she said. “Fundamentally, there needs to be a shift in our culture when it comes to attitudes and beliefs that perpetuate gender-based violence,” said Ropponen. “The system is failing survivors over and over again.”
Survivors of sexual assault may choose to share their stories through social media rather than going to police for a variety of reasons. Some have little faith that filing a report will bring justice or they worry that they won’t be believed, said Janni Aragon, an assistant professor of gender studies and political science at the University of Victoria.
Aragon recalled accompanying someone to report an assault to police and the first question from the officer was whether alcohol was involved. “And I swear, he kind of rolled his eyes. We left,” Aragon said.
Sharing stories anonymously online can be a way for survivors to try to protect others, while shielding themselves from backlash.
Aragon said every time she speaks publicly about sexual assault, she receives nasty comments claiming women are liars and that sexual assault is not that common.
Social media allows survivors to own their story and amplify the issue of sexual violence without fear of consequences, Aragon said.
ldickson@timescolonist.com
— With a file from Roxanne Egan-Elliott
