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Pussycat Doll Kasey Campbell to speak out on life gripped by drugs

Kasey Campbell has never spoken publicly about her alcoholism or heroin addiction. The former Pussycat Doll has only ever told her story among loved ones and within rooms of anonymous people sharing experiences of substance abuse.

Kasey Campbell has never spoken publicly about her alcoholism or heroin addiction.

The former Pussycat Doll has only ever told her story among loved ones and within rooms of anonymous people sharing experiences of substance abuse.

But the 36-year-old, who begins law school next week, said she’s ready to open up about her recovery experience.

“I want to change the stigma around recovery,” Campbell said on the phone from Vancouver. “I know so many people who have these stories of triumph and yet they don’t talk about it.”

Campbell will speak next Sunday in Centennial Square as part of Recovery Day — a day to acknowledge the millions of people who overcome addiction — from 11:30 a.m. to 4 p.m.

For Campbell, it’s hard to tell when recreational drug and alcohol use became addiction.

Campbell grew up in Vancouver and moved to Los Angeles at 17 for a dance scholarship. The Pussycat Dolls — a burlesque ensemble that evolved into a pop group with hits like Don’t Cha, Buttons and Stickwitu — became a core part of her identity over the course of nine years.

“It started as an extracurricular activity. It was a labour of love and it sort of became an underground phenomenon,” Campbell said.

The troupe drew the attention of celebrities such as Christina Aguilera, and after a few years, signed its own record deal. Campbell performed with Gwen Stefani, Britney Spears, Pink, the Black Eyed Peas, Elton John and others.

But the entertainment industry was also a perfect storm for individuals inclined to addiction.

“I was in an industry where it’s not sort of abnormal to go and have a big show, then go to a big afterparty,” she said. “For me, it’s a little bit tough to say when my drinking and using became problematic.”

Looking back, she says, it’s obvious she wasn’t healthy. But she was able to hide it from even her closest friends. After treatment, she visited her best friend in the group, who told her: “I can’t believe I didn’t know.”

“I sort of maintained separate friends for doing the dark and dirty things, outside of my ‘real’ friends, who were living normal lives. And I just sort of masked it really well,” Campbell said. “And once I was incapable of masking it, I withdrew completely from my peer group.”

Heroin changed everything. With other drugs, she was still functioning. Heroin was all-consuming — when she wasn’t using, she became sick from withdrawal and couldn’t hide it.

“Once it had completely consumed me, all I did every day was wake up wanting — needing — to use,” she said.

There wasn’t an a-ha moment that made Campbell seek help. Instead, there was a run-in with the law. While Campbell would not elaborate on the “legal consequences” of her drug use, she said she agreed to go to rehab as a result. But she didn’t take it seriously. She had seen many acquaintances enter treatment, come out and immediately begin using again. She just didn’t believe it worked.

“I had no intention of staying sober,” she said.

“I did it as a means to appease my family.”

Instead of going to a Los Angeles rehab centre, she flew in 2008 to Victoria, where her father and stepmother live. Cedars at Cobble Hill was a different culture than she expected.

“I was around all of these people who were taking this really seriously. You were kind of the odd man out if you didn’t,” she said.

Her treatment began in hospital, to deal with the physical symptoms of withdrawal. But it was hearing other people’s stories that made Campbell readjust her expectations.

“I entered with a mindset that my circumstances were so different from anyone in there. I felt no one had the experiences I had — ‘You don’t know my life.’ Now I look back and think how arrogant that is. But I felt very alone, very different,” she said. “Now I know everyone feels like that.”

She met people from different backgrounds, professions, ages and cultures. And almost all expressed feelings she shared: They were ashamed by what happened to them. They felt they had disappointed their loved ones.

“I felt like that. I felt I had achieved this degree of success and then I had disappointed everyone. I was really ashamed and I was really afraid. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone through a day without feeling horrible and I also couldn’t imagine my life without using,” she said.

About 4.6 million Canadians were in substance abuse recovery in 2012, according to counsellor Sue Donaldson, who has been in recovery for 25 years and is the owner of Pegasus Recovery Solutions in Victoria.

“Many, many people recover from this disease,” she said. “We don’t talk about it, we don’t advertise it, we just get on with our lives — working in any number of fields, raising families and so forth.”

Donaldson is co-founder of Recovery Day in Victoria, which celebrates those people and raises awareness about the fact that people can recover with the right support.

Many people don’t see addiction as a disease, said Marshall Smith, director of corporate development and community relations at Cedars.

Smith had a promising career with the provincial government, but he was a drinker. When he added drugs to the mix, he said, he spiralled out of control, losing his career, his home and all of his belongings. He spent five years on the streets in Vancouver. Smith has been clean and sober for almost nine years and rededicated his life to helping others recover.

“Addiction is a neurobiological disease of the brain and it gets progressively worse if untreated,” he said.

Like heart disease and diabetes, addiction can require massive lifestyle changes. As a society, we’re not good at dealing with chronic health conditions, he said. And addiction comes with an added stigma.

“If I have a heart condition and I slack off on my recovery program, the system is there to immediately help me if I have another heart attack. If I’m an addict and I relapse, I’m looked at as a moral failure — somebody who should just have stronger willpower.”

Recovery Day is about changing that.

“We need Canadians to know that addiction is highly survivable, highly treatable and it’s going on right next door to you.”

Reconstructing her life has been a work in progress for Campbell. As a child, she told people she wanted to be a professional dancer and lawyer, but as an adult, she kept her legal ambitions to herself.

“I never believed I could do it, because I had no education,” she said.

But she did have transferable skills. Dancing required intense discipline, and without drugs or alcohol to distract her, Campbell applied that work ethic to academics. She enrolled in political science at Camosun College, completing her degree at the University of British Columbia.

As part of her application to UBC Law, she wrote about her recovery. Now she’s looking forward to potentially bridging the two by representing other people who need an advocate.

A judge gave her an opportunity to go to treatment instead of facing prosecution — something she said changed the course of her life. “I feel like the system really worked for me.”

Sharing her story of recovery is a part of that, too — a way to chip away at the stigma that prevents many people from seeking help.

“If people don’t talk about the success stories they have, I don’t know how that’s ever going to change,” she said.

“I just want to change that stereotype.”

Campbell will celebrate her sixth year in recovery on Nov. 2.

asmart@timescolonist.com

Recovery Day

Recovery Day takes place Sept. 7, 11:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. at Centennial Square.

In addition to the speakers starting at 1 p.m., the event will include information from more than a dozen agencies, treatment centres and support groups, musical entertainment and children’s activities.