FLACCID PUNCH LINE — It is not easy being the ex-husband of the most powerful woman in the province. Ask Mark Marissen.
Premier Christy Clark used Marissen’s manhood to get laughs at a recent speech in Comox.
According to an account in the Comox Valley Business Gazette, Clark had trouble delivering her speech because the microphone wouldn’t stay up.
Struggling with the limp device, Clark cracked: “I’m not going to say it reminds me of my ex-husband.”
“The comment was met with laughs by all and the most raucous ovation of the afternoon,” reported the Gazette.
LIAR, LIAR — MLAs aren’t supposed to call each other liars in the house. But there are creative ways around that.
John Les gave it a shot this past week, calling NDP Leonard Krog’s speech on a nurses bill “entirely disingenuous and diversionary.”
Deputy speaker Dawn Black cracked a dictionary and asked Les to withdraw.
“I’m sorry, if the use of the word ‘disingenuous’ is unparliamentary,” said Les.
“If it is, then I’ll attempt to not use that and any other long words in the future, Madam Speaker.”
Oddly, disingenuous has been used almost 170 times in the legislature without incident, according to Hansard records.
The Liberals asked the Speaker to rule on whether the word is appropriate.
But MLA Randy Hawes couldn’t wait. “Rather than using the word 'disingenuous,' I think I’ll just say that any word you can think of that would be synonymous would fit the arguments coming from the other side.”
SILENCE OF THE LAMB — To some, it was a pointed attack on the media. To others, it was pure unintentional poetry.
So here it is, ripped from the pages of Hansard, the latest found poem by retiring Harry Bloy, former cabinet minister, MLA for Burnaby-Lougheed and — dare we say it? — Liberal backbencher.
They call us backbenchers.
I’m a private member,
But they call me a backbencher.
One of the press once called us ...
We’re like lambs waiting to be slaughtered,
Sitting in the back.
This is pathetic — the words that they call us.
It’s not me.
I’ll stand up and take it.
You can call me that.
You can call me lots of things,
And if you knew me, maybe you’d have some truth to them.
But they don’t even know who I am.
MY B.C. HOME — Mirroring a similar effort in the House of Commons, NDP MLA Spencer Chandra Herbert paid a tribute to the late Stompin’ Tom Connors in the legislature.
He “sang” a verse from My British Columbia Home.
“Tonight as I live in this crazy old world, if only the truth could be known.
“I dream of the days and the friendlier ways of my British Columbian home.
“I lived in a town by the railroad tracks, where the trains all bid me to roam.
“My love she cried when I said good-bye to my British Columbian home.”
— With files from Rob Shaw, Les Leyne and Lindsay Kines