An Oak Bay couple grieving the death of their 15-year-old son — who struggled with depression, anxiety and drug addiction — want to encourage people to talk to one another about their mental health challenges.
Grade 10 St. Michaels University School student Harrison Helliwell died on May 30. The B.C. Coroners Service is investigating. Oak Bay police said foul play is not suspected.
Harry, as his parents called him, fought depression and anxiety but with “so little community” to talk to it made things harder. “When he self medicated and became addicted to trying to find his ‘normal’ we were even more lost,” said his parents.
The Helliwells, who have declined to speak to the media, shared their thoughts on an online tribute page to their son raising donations for Foundry, a free and confidential in-person and online mental health service for youth age 12 to 17. The tribute page had raised about $65,000 as of Monday afternoon.
“People don’t want to talk about it. It’s scary. We get it,” said his parents. “It would be good if we were the only family with a child on this path. But if we’re not, let’s talk about it. Let’s help our kids.”
Harry’s parents said they found it hard to create a connection with their son.
“Harry and his Dad learned to ride motorcycles together.” It wasn’t the safest adventure — they had a coach and wore all the right protective gear — but it made Harry smile, laugh and feel alive.
“It couldn’t beat the drugs but we wish it had,” they said.
The exact cause of Harry’s death was not disclosed. Three youths age 12, 14, and 17 have died in the last two months on Vancouver Island of suspected accidental toxic drug poisonings.
Sandra Allison, medical health officer with Island Health, speaking generally and not specifically about this case, said the pandemic has “terribly disproportionately impacted youth.” Every aspect of what protected youth whether it be school, friends, social engagements, sports, and extracurricular activities “that used to define their character and their purpose” changed for them. Youth don’t have the same coping strategies and strengths as adults. Rather, youth, who have developed the least amount of coping skills, may find coping behaviours that are harmful and complex while being exposed to a toxic drug supply, she said.
“To our dying days, we will always wish something more had been done, more had been known and we had succeeded in easing his pain,” said Harry’s parents. “We know there are families out there suffering and you are not alone,” they said. “Let’s help each other. If we break a bone we sign the cast. If our mind is hurting we hide it. Let’s not.”
Two days before Harry died a peacock appeared outside Harry’s father’s bedroom. How the flightless bird made it into the high-fenced yard was as much as a mystery as how it disappeared. Harry’s father talked to the bird, left the area for just minutes, and when he returned all that remained was a single feather.
The couple have embraced the peacock’s visit as perhaps a sign of their son’s passing to another world. They cite a blog called the Meaning of a Peacock Sighting, by L.J. Innes. Innes says our “spirit animals and our totems” remind us that finding balance in life is the key to living in harmony. They are the key to the connection between the world we live in and the spirit world we’re part of, she writes.
Rebirth and resurrection is a recurring theme connected to the peacock, says Innes, adding that when you experience a peacock sighting you can be pretty sure that you’re entering a time of rebirth in your life.
“Through the tears this week, we have come to believe that this peacock came for Harry,” said his parents.
“We love you Harry. We miss you. We will feel you everywhere we go,” the Helliwells wrote. “We hope that sharing your journey can save others from this pain.”
To donate to Foundry in honour of Harrison Helliwell, go to shar.es/aW1834
