Snow globes filled with meth. I’m at the Victoria airport, staring at a table full of items that didn’t make it past pre-boarding security, and wondering why snow globes would be on the banned list. Inside his plastic bubble, Snoopy mutely stares back, similarly perplexed.
Then I remember last week’s story about Australian border officials finding $1 million worth of liquid meth in 15 snow globes arriving from Canada. So maybe they’re not so benign after all.
It’s not drugs that they’re worried about at airport security, though. It’s pointy bits, or things that could go bang in mid-flight.
On this day, the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority has laid out a display of items intercepted in Victoria in just the past couple of weeks. Some — a hatchet, a 19-piece set of barbecue tools, a handgun magazine, brass knuckles, a battery-operated power tool, three (!) sets of nunchucks — are clearly things you don’t want to see your seatmate hauling out of his hand luggage at 15,000 feet.
There are also little pink tubes of mace on keychains, popular among women in the U.S. but illegal in Canada. We’re more likely to pack bear spray, which is legal but still can’t be stuffed in your carry-on (and some airlines don’t want it in your checked luggage, either) which is why a couple of canisters of it are on the table, too.
Other items are less obviously a danger. Inorganic powders in containers larger than a pop can are now on the no-go list, which means detergents, baby powder and bath salts are verboten. I don’t know what a terrorist would do with bath salts, but at least he would smell great.
Ditto for the blenders, including a skookum one big enough to make margaritas for half the plane. Who would bring a blender on an airplane? Dunno, though he or she would probably be a lot of fun when paired with the guy with the barbecue set. Still, you can’t fly with a blender whose blade is longer than six centimetres.
That’s the limit for knives, too. There’s a whole box of them at the airport, many newly purchased as souvenirs of Victoria. Authorities have eased the rules and now allow blades under that six-centimetre maximum (though note that the U.S. still won’t let you fly with any knives at all), but these are longer than that.
Then there are the LAGs — liquids, aerosols, gels — that make up the great majority of items (four or five Rubbermaid totes worth each week) intercepted at security. With a couple of exceptions — medication, food for infants — that you have to declare to the screening officer, LAGs must be in containers of less than 100 ml and must all fit into a one-litre clear plastic bag. You might roll your eyes at these rules — particularly when told that, say, your cake or jar of peanut butter is considered a gel — but they have been around since 2006.
For here’s the reality: The law is the law. You might not agree with all the rules. You might think that no one is going to take down your puddle-jumper to Vancouver with a snow globe, or that the no-large-coffee-grinders regulation is nothing but bureaucratic flailing in the name of security. It doesn’t matter. If you want to fly, you still need to obey the regulations.
And there’s no point in moaning about the banned list to the woman scanning your carry-on, either. It’s not like she’s going to go: “You’re right, that is a dumb rule. Take your Costco-sized jug of body wash and scootch right on board.”
No, what she would prefer is that you go online or download the “CATSA-Breeze through security” app and see how your packing list meshes with the rules: Canes and other mobility aides are permitted in the cabin, but not the poles used by hikers. Golf clubs, hockey sticks* and baseballs bats can all be considered offensive weapons (*except when in the hands of the Canucks
), so must fly with checked luggage. Ditto for metal tent poles.
It’s not as though security workers like having to deal with the things you’re forced to leave behind (officially, such items are abandoned, as CATSA doesn’t have the authority to seize things). You have the option (if you have time) of taking your stuff back to your car, or leaving it with a friend, or pulling open your wallet, cursing and paying to have it checked, which is what you were trying to avoid in the first place.
If you do end up walking away from your banned bits, CATSA will try to send it to a good place. Liquids, aerosols and gels in sealed containers are given to the Sidney food bank. Other goods get donated to organizations such as Women in Need. Knives go to the Boy Scouts. Guns, switchblades and the like go to the cops. You still go to Vancouver, minus your snow globe.
