She is self-conscious about her circumstances, as though she were somehow at fault for the cruel stroke of fate that left her a single mother, alone with a small child in a new country.
Some people react like that when blindsided by bad fortune, which is a bit heartbreaking. In truth, what happened to her could have happened to any of us.
She came to Canada with her husband a decade ago. He was a craftsman, a furniture maker. She gave birth to their son in 2013.
It was a good life — until one morning 3 1/2 years ago when, after a night sleeping in their seven-month-old baby’s room, she awoke to find her husband dead. “It was so sudden and unexpected. I knew he had had a chronic illness since childhood but I didn’t think it was so severe.” They did not have insurance or savings. She was 33 years old.
She waited a year before going back to the old country. “I really wanted to stay here. I didn’t want to leave Victoria. At the same time, I felt really lonely.”
Also, child care was so expensive that she couldn’t afford to work here. Back in her birthplace, she could live with her parents, work full time, save some money. She also thought her own father would be a good male role model for her son. And she was grieving.
But this summer, mother and son returned to Victoria because, well, it’s their home. She wanted to raise the boy in an environment where he could feel his father’s presence.
“I really respected my husband. He was kind and strong.” She makes hand motions to illustrate an upright person. “I want my son to be like him.”
“My husband loved Victoria.”
The return has not been easy. They live in a one-bedroom apartment. She’s depleting the money she saved over the past couple of years, is trying to keep her head above water until she can return to work when the boy goes to school full-time. Next year, when he’s in kindergarten, she’ll study at Camosun, aiming for a career in health care. Her language skills have improved to the point that she sometimes dreams in English.
For now, she works outside the home part-time for a woman who employs her on the three mornings a week when her son is in pre-school. “She understands my circumstances.”
That doesn’t pay all the bills, though. “I try to save money as much as possible.” Christmas isn’t in the budget. She needs help, though it has taken others to reach out on her behalf.
None of this is apparent when you meet her. She is neatly dressed, has kind eyes and a lovely smile. She looks… normal, which is disconcerting in a way. Those of us who are relatively healthy and wealthy expect those in need to look either Dickensian or dysfunctional — anything to indicate that there’s something more than bad luck separating us from them.
The fragility of life, the knowledge that it can change in an instant, is a bit terrifying, which is why we don’t like to think of it. A stroke, a fall, a blown red light, a call from the doctor saying you need to call right now and suddenly your comfortable world isn’t comfortable anymore.
That’s why she has agreed to share her story — not to gain anything, but to offer it as a cautionary tale, one that might encourage others to think of their own good fortune and to give to the Times Colonist Christmas Fund.
Donations to the Times Colonist Christmas Fund are down this year — way down, lagging 37 per cent behind where they were at this point last year. What’s worse is that other, similar fundraisers are also struggling.
Maybe that’s down to donor fatigue. Maybe it’s down to resentment and weariness related to seemingly intractable street-level problems; it’s easier to keep your wallet closed when poverty becomes synonymous with the guy who broke into your car. Us and them.
Reality isn’t that convenient. Reality is a young mother who just wants her son to have the life his late father envisioned.
“I want to see my son a grown-up person, enjoying success,” she says. “I want him to have pride in himself and his dad.”
How to donate
People throughout Greater Victoria are once again able to help those in need, thanks to the Times Colonist Christmas Fund.
Since 1956, this newspaper has collected money to benefit the less fortunate. Last year we raised and distributed almost $294,000, and we hope to beat that total this year.
We work with the Salvation Army and the Mustard Seed, which handle the distribution of hampers and gift certificates to those in need, and also provide financial help to Our Place.
To donate, go online to timescolonist.com/donate. The site is open 24 hours a day and provides an immediate tax receipt.
Or mail a cheque, payable to the Times Colonist Christmas Fund Society, to the Times Colonist Christmas Fund, 2621 Douglas St., Victoria, V8T 4M2.
You can use your credit card by phoning 250-995-4438 between 9 a.m. and 1 p.m., Monday through Friday. Outside those hours, messages will be accepted.
