A lifetime of never knowing would be worse, said Tonya Kilmer, on the discovery of the body of her 41-year-old husband Ben, the Cobble Hill father missing since May.
Ben Kilmer’s body was found Oct. 17 by a hiker in a remote area of the Cowichan Valley, near the Chemainus River.
His death is not considered suspicious.
The news was delivered to his wife by North Cowichan/Duncan RCMP.
“The pain, even with the comfort of knowing that Ben is in the best place he could possibly be, is agonizing,” Tonya Kilmer wrote in a letter to friends.
Ben Kilmer, who went missing five months ago, has a five-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son.
“His death is a shock to all who knew him and a devastating outcome to a vast and difficult search,” reads a family statement.
North Cowichan-Duncan RCMP confirmed on Wednesday that human remains found by a hiker in a remote area — outside the original search area — were identified as Kilmer.
“Foul play has been ruled out and the file is now with the B.C. Coroners Service,” said Cpl. Tammy Douglas.
It’s the end to a highly publicized search that included appeals from his family, and large signs and posters circulated throughout the Island.
This week, Tonya Kilmer wrote, the real pain is just beginning: “I never knew that I could or would ever feel pain like this. It makes every ounce that I’ve endured up until now seem like nothing.”
At the same time, she said, never knowing what happened to her husband would have been worse.
“Since Ben went missing, I’ve said that it would be too unbearable to find him if he wasn’t still alive,” she wrote. “Even though my hope is gone, knowing that Ben will no longer come home to us, a lifetime of agony and wondering only to lead to the same result would be worse.”
The electrician was reported missing on May 16. He worked for Norpac Power and was spotted on a job-site video camera that morning.
His white work van, marked with the Norpac name and logo, was found that afternoon, engine running, parked on Cowichan Lake Road, in the Sahtlam area west of Duncan.
Despite extensive searches by RCMP, search-and-rescue teams and volunteers, sometimes totalling more than 200 people, no trace of him was found.
Douglas said in July that investigators were especially interested in hearing from anybody who was driving along the 4000 block of Cowichan Lake Road on May 16.
In the statement, the family thanked all who searched for Kilmer and the community that rallied behind them for five months, combing through dense wilderness, putting up 10,000 posters, and donating time and money.
“It is our sincere wish that every person who was involved feels the value of that effort,” said the family. “There are no words to fully convey what this has meant to us, but we thank you with all our hearts.”
The family is remembering Kilmer for his zest for life, passion for the outdoors, love of music and photography, work ethic and loyalty.
His family says he was a cherished husband, a loving father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, friend and “a beautiful human being.”
Tonya Kilmer said her children will grow up knowing their father as the strong, fierce, tenacious, loving, family man that he was.
“A man who always drove forward,” she wrote, “a man with an awesome sense of humour and infectious personality, someone who just drew people in and inspired them, a man who never gave up on his dreams, a man that lived life to the fullest and knew that every adventure was worth taking for that ‘once [in] a lifetime experience.’ ”
Anyone wanting to leave condolences can do so through the family’s Facebook page, called Find Ben Kilmer.
An education fund has been established for the two children. Donations can be made at gofundme.com/kilmer-children-education-fund.
“We can think of no better way to honour Ben’s memory now than through an education fund established for his children,” wrote the administrator of the fund, Ryan Corry. “This fund will continue Ben’s dream of giving his son and daughter a strong head start on their own hopes and dreams.”
The family plans to hold a private memorial.
