Dear Ellie: I’m like many other singles who are interested in dating and trying to find ways to get to know someone in person during a pandemic. But this extended lockdown is now making any social life impossible.
I feel extreme isolation working from home, staying away from family and not seeing friends. Any thoughts of a future relationship seem hopeless.
Is there any way singles can find love and companionship during this terrible time?
A Single’s Plea
It’s all out there — other people feeling just as you do, but also access to online outreach through email/text/dating apps/chat groups, etc.
I understand that feeling hopeless doesn’t make reaching out to others come easily.
So, start simply with self-care: Soothing baths, skin care, a healthy diet, and fitness activity like regularly walking outdoors (masked and socially distanced) can all improve your outlook and contribute to getting an essential good night’s sleep.
Once you feel better about yourself, you’ll also feel more confident about going on dating apps that offer something suited to these times.
One company, Hinge, has a new dating feature — video prompts. Designed to be an interactive icebreaker to help daters find conversation easier, it offers participants one choice from eight conversation themes, and then five prompts about what to discuss.
Toronto Dating Hub is another online dating company hosting virtual singles’ events and also offering coaching services.
Do your own search of established dating sites for more unique approaches.
Meanwhile, bring renewed energy to your other relationships, with friends, colleagues, family. Set up regular virtual contact to stay in touch, to encourage others through this time and to be encouraged yourself.
Dear Ellie: How much is appropriate for me to share with my adult daughter about her father and stepmother?
I’ve always been a single mother (by choice) although her dad was involved to varying degrees in my daughter’s life.
He and his wife met when my daughter was very young. His insecure wife felt threatened by me. It escalated when he stopped paying the minimal amount of child support that we’d informally agreed on.
I tried mediation about this but his wife got angry at not being included.
We dealt with lawyers for two years. I heard unkind things his wife had said about me, including that she tried to make my daughter doubt my love.
I made every effort to only say positive things about my daughter’s dad and be neutral about his wife.
However, on one occasion I told my daughter that her dad didn’t want to pay child support, which upset her.
He’s basically a good person, unduly influenced by a domineering woman. But she’s fiercely loyal to those she loves (which, thankfully, includes my daughter).
But she turned his family against me and fabricated evidence in court.
My daughter’s now a happy, successful young woman who’s sensitive but tough. Those terrible years must have affected her, and I wonder if she was being poisoned somewhat against me.
We have a good relationship, though not as close as I’d like. Should I tell her more about what happened back then?
Somewhat Anguished Mother
Trust me, the answer is No. If she wants to discuss it, she’ll ask you. Meanwhile, don’t rock a “good relationship.”
She’s had her father/stepmother/you throughout her life and obviously grew happy, successful, sensitive and “tough” from all those influences.
Don’t rock her basic supports. Enjoy time with her and express your love. That’s all she needs to know.
Feedback regarding the woman who wanted all the benefits of her lover’s wealth but ended sex and their live-in relationship so she wouldn’t have to become his caretaker if he became ill (April 17):
Reader: What if something happens to her and she’s the one who needs care? I think he should end his friendship with this selfish lady. (Ellie: me too).
Feedback regarding the woman who keeps talking about her past relationships and is still friends with men she slept with despite the new man’s discomfort with this (April 16):
Reader: Your advice was, accept or move on. But, he’s already uncomfortable. So, obviously this girlfriend is not for him. His only option is to move on.
Ellie: My actual response was that they’re wrong for each other. She’s entitled to her friendships, she’s not cheating. He’s entitled to his discomfort. So, they each need to move on.
Ellie’s tip of the day
Singles: Don’t despair. Use self-care, outdoor air, healthy food, fitness and sleep to stay healthy and confident.
Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca.
Follow @ellieadvice.
