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Ask Ellie: Seek help if you are victim of workplace bullying

Dear Ellie: I immigrated to this country in my late-20s, after obtaining an honours degree elsewhere overseas. Accepted into a master’s degree course here, I studied and also worked in the evenings assisting several professors.
Advice columnist Ellie
Ellie

Advice columnist EllieDear Ellie: I immigrated to this country in my late-20s, after obtaining an honours degree elsewhere overseas.

Accepted into a master’s degree course here, I studied and also worked in the evenings assisting several professors.

The hardest part of my hard-earned acceptance was suffering the suspicions and nasty gossip of other women.

Some were junior staffers and other assistants within the university hierarchy, while two were the wives of professors with whom I worked. Gossip among the juniors invented that I gave “favours” to my professors. Later, rumours persisted that I was sleeping with two different men for whom I worked (all lies).

When I achieved my own professional business based on my degree and faculty honours, I dissociated from those earlier connections, and built my current good reputation. But I’ll never forget that it was the women who were so quick to misjudge, denigrate, and spread ugly misinformation about me.

These were my so-called “sisters” in a field where even better-qualified women still had to prove themselves as good as the men.

I could have taken legal and/or human-rights recourse, but I chose to just prove everyone wrong. Today, I’m successful, happily married, the mother of two smart early-teenage girls. I believe that accomplishing my dreams was a better choice than wasting my energy on anger or revenge.

I Did It My Way

Congratulations for rising above gossips and nasty detractors. Maybe they’ve learned to stop judging others… though it’s not always likely among the envious and mean-spirited.

Meanwhile, your daughters are in a generation of young women who see your example, and the possibilities for advancing toward their goals.

A workplace manager might confront lying/backstabbing co-workers if the worker reveals a paper trail of evidence. Or, a worker can seek help from the human resources department and/or legal investigation of any defaming statements about someone.

Note: It’s not only “sisters” who show jealousy in nasty ways. I’ve learned from readers that backbiting, envy and lies intended to detract from accomplishments is also directed by some “brothers.”

You can now use your experience toward setting a higher co-worker standard among your colleagues, whatever their gender or identification.

Ellie’s tip of the day

Seek remedies for co-workers’ lies/gossip while rising above them.

Email ellie@thestar.ca.