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Ask Ellie: Difficult ex creates chaos over move

Dear Ellie: I’m a woman, age 36, who married a man from another country five years ago. I moved there and we bought a house together. But we both found that we just weren’t compatible. He’s very laid-back; I’m hyperactive by comparison.
Advice columnist Ellie
Ellie

Advice columnist EllieDear Ellie: I’m a woman, age 36, who married a man from another country five years ago. I moved there and we bought a house together.

But we both found that we just weren’t compatible. He’s very laid-back; I’m hyperactive by comparison.

Since we had no children, we agreed to part in an amicable divorce.

I decided to go home for a visit, and scout the chances for work. By luck, I was offered a terrific job and decided to stay. But I’d only brought one small suitcase along for the trip.

When I informed my ex that I’d like him to ship the rest of my things, and finalize splitting the proceeds from our house sale, his normally easy-going manner changed completely.

He became angry, said I’d have to do my own packing and shipping, which had nothing to do with him. He added that the money wasn’t easily available.

I’m shocked at his meanness. Now I have to wait for my new job to allow early “vacation time” for me to travel overseas, retrieve my own things, and deal with this now-difficult ex about money that’s rightfully mine.

How can I manage everything in two weeks of so-called “vacation” time?

— Difficult Ex

Start preparations now. Reach out to your contacts where you lived for five years and ask them to refer you to a reliable shipping company. Get informed from that company as to what proof of ownership or other papers might be required.

But before addressing the money issue with your ex, try a non-combative phone conversation with him asking if there’s anything you need to know about the house proceeds.

Then, communicate with the lawyer involved in the sale, and have him/her or another lawyer inform your ex that you require your share to re-settle back home.

Have as many conversations as possible to prepare yourself to be ready to proceed when you travel to complete the move.

Invite a local friend there to help you with the packing, especially if it’s in the presence of your ex-husband.

Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca.