Getting a ticket is a big deal for the average driver.
Depending on the infraction, the points and the money can add up quickly.
Then there’s the embarrassment of sitting there on the side of the road while the process of justice is being written up inside that car behind you with the flashing red and blue lights.
People who have been nabbed only once or twice in all of their driving lives usually accept what they’ve done and move on.
But there are some, usually “frequent flyers,” who have developed an amazing capacity for both creativity and denial.
It could be called the traffic ticket excuse syndrome and there have been some excuse masterpieces over over the years.
Incident: Speeding. Excuse: “Look man, my foot was itching like crazy and I had to take my shoe off and scratch it on top of the gas pedal.” Officer: “Wow, good one. I wouldn’t try it in court though.”
Incident: Speeding. Excuse: “I’m from Edmonton. The speed limit is 60 km/h there”. Officer: “Good to know but you were doing 76 km/h.” Answer: “…right…,” followed by a shrug.
Incident: No stop - yellow light. Excuse: “I couldn’t see the light because I was right behind that big truck”. Officer: “Good thing that big truck didn’t go through a red light then.” Answer: “Where do I sign?”
Incident: No seatbelt. Excuse: “I saw you guys pulling people over to check us. So I undid my seatbelt to get my wallet out”. Officer: “Ok. Could you just put your seatbelt on again for me. Answer: None. The driver could not actually find the seat belt strap, buried under a pile of debris behind his seat. He’d also left his wallet at home.
Incident: No seatbelt. Excuse. “I always wear my seatbelt”. Officer: “Hmmm. Then what’s that silver buckle thingy attached to a cloth strap hanging out the bottom of your door?” Answer: “Well most of the time I wear it.”
Incident: Impaired driving. Excuse: “I’m the designated driver.” Officer: “Seems like you’ve had a few though? Answer: “Only three…”.
Incident: No stop — red light (a taxi). Excuse: “Look in the back.” A woman, legs spread open was in the final stages of childbirth. Officer: “Do not run any more lights and I’ll call ahead to the hospital.” It was a girl.
Incident: Speeding. Excuse: “Sorry I was speeding but I can’t afford another ticket — the last officer just gave me a warning.” Officer: “I’ll let that officer know the warning didn’t work.”
Incident: Speeding. Excuse: “I’m really late for court.” Officer: “Why are you going to court?” Answer: “Impaired driving.”
Incident: No left turn. Excuse (as explained in traffic court…sort of).
Judge: “Are you Mr. Smith?” (Name changed to protect the guilty).
Answer: “I’d rather not say.”
Judge: “Well, that will be difficult. Why are you here then?”
Answer: “I’m disputing this ticket.”
Judge: “This ticket being (number 1234 etc) for turn against no left turn sign, written to Mr. J. Smith?”
Answer: “Yes”.
Judge: “So you are Mr. Smith?”
Answer: “I’d still rather not say.”
Judge: “Would you please produce your driver’s licence to the officer sitting beside you?”
Officer: “Your honour, this ticket is DL number 1234…etc in the name of John Smith. That’s the same driver’s licence number as appears on the ticket to a person of that name. The picture on this licence is that of the man sitting next to me.”
Judge: “Well sir, I’m convinced you’re John Smith and this ticket was issued to you on that date. What is it you wish to dispute about it?”
Answer: “I really don’t know. I didn’t think it would get this far…”
Looking for support, Mr. Smith turned to a woman in the front room who stared at him for a second and said: “You’re an idiot.”
Smith pled guilty and was fined.
Glove Box: In a previous column I wrote about the concern with some electric car batteries having problems with fires. Good to know that for the moment, statistically at least, electric battery fires are no greater hazard than any other type of car.
But I used the term “liquid iron” as one of the possible replacement materials for lithium, which was not entirely correct. While there are several types of liquid metal batteries under experimentation in labs all over the world currently, including iron, it would have been better to have simply said liquid metal.
