Breaking News: Mexico is not paying for the wall

Now that Donald Trump has set the record straight by declaring that “obviously,” Mexico isn’t going to write a cheque for the border wall, we’ve been wondering if other presidents and famous Americans were also badly misquoted over the years by the fake news media.

The only place to go for a definitive answer is the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library, located in Vladivostok, Russia (“You can see Alaska from here!”). It’s an unusual library because it contains only four titles – thousands of copies of “The Art of the Deal;” a colouring book completed by the young Donald Trump (he was 27 at the time); an English-language version of Vladimir Putin’s autobiography inscribed with “We’ll always have Helsinki;” and a well-thumbed tome named “Famous Tweets of Famous Americans.”

Here’s one from George Washington: “Father, I lied. I did chop down the cherry tree. And have you seen what’s left of the apple orchard? That’s the Mexican gardener’s fault.”

Abraham Lincoln: “Four score and seven years ago…”  “That’s like, 47 years ago, right? Right?”

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And I intend to scare the hell out of all of you.”

Harry Truman: “The buck stops as far away from me as possible.”

John F. Kennedy: “Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what your country can do for you. Bigly.”

Martin Luther King Jr.: “I had a dream. About Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal, whom I have never met once in my entire life. Twice, maybe.”

Ronald Reagan: “Mr. Gorbachev, build a bigger and more beautiful wall, as beautiful as a wall can be. A great, great wall. And make sure it’s concrete with plenty of rebar. I can get you a deal on the concrete from Vinny and Fredo, a couple of friends from New Jersey.”

P.T. Barnum: “There’s a sucker born every minute.” You betcha!

W.F.

 

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