Most of us learn about correct behaviour by being taught, both explicitly and implicitly. Explicitly, we’re taught to say please and thank you and to hold the door open for people behind us. Implicitly, these lessons tell us that it’s important to be considerate of one another, and to take other people into account through our behaviour.
Basic socialization: We learn the codes of social interaction.
In the modern world, these codes are forever shifting, but they’re never too hard to get a handle on. Cellphones and other personal devices have been a big deal for the past 10 years, and a really big deal for the past five. They’re no longer the frontier of technological advancement, and we’ve been able to codify standard behaviour when it comes to things like using your cellphone in public.
Who gets to determine that etiquette? And how?
Questions about collective agreements are fascinating, but this one isn’t that tricky. We quickly adapted standard protocols for social behaviour into tech-specific protocols. “Don’t be a loud jerk while riding the bus” smoothly morphed into “Don’t be a loud jerk on your phone while riding the bus.” When it comes to questions about technology-centric etiquette (techiquette?), they’re Golden Rule-based.
We’ve pretty firmly codified this etiquette, so it always surprises me when I see people breaking the informal rules — not because they’re intentionally being jerks, but because they’re clearly unaware that these rules exist.
Well, no more excuses. It’s 2014, and unless this is your first week as a tablet owner, you cannot plead ignorance.
It’s not the done thing to watch videos in public without silencing your device or wearing headphones.
Your ringer should be loud enough to hear, but not so loud that it causes your neighbour to go into cardiac arrest. (You know what? Just put it on vibrate.)
When talking on your phone, turn up the volume so that you can hear the other person comfortably, but make a conscious effort to lower your own voice. Don’t worry, your friend will still be able to hear you.
Texting under the table is not less rude — I know what you’re doing, even if I can’t see it. Stop it.
Don’t talk to someone with your earphones in — your music might be turned off, but the rest of the world doesn’t know that. It’s dismissive.
(Alternatively, if a person has earphones in, don’t try to initiate conversation — they probably want to be left alone.)
We like to whine about young people and their phones, but teens and young adults are usually (not always, of course) more tuned in to these expectations than new users, who tend to be older.
Often, new users are the ones who struggle not only with their devices, but the social impact they have, simply because they’re new.
I find this charming, actually: Younger users are the ones determining and enforcing etiquette. (No, grandma, don’t forward chain emails. Dad, do not post personal information on Facebook.)
You can find this phenomenon online, as well. On social media sites like Tumblr, the typical user is much younger than the typical Internet user. Tumblr users have cultivated an enthusiastic and considerate posting culture, full of trigger warnings and friendly reminders and in-depth discussions of the community’s etiquette.
In contrast, the comment sections on news sites (sites that attract a much broader and therefore less Internet-savvy demographic) are full of people shouting at each other, because Internet conversation is really difficult to master. Ask anyone who’s ever been involved in a Facebook fight.
But the rules of responsible cellphone use are less complex — they require only that you take the time to be considerate of the people around you.
I was once on a bus (all my good stories involve the bus) and the middle-aged woman in front of me was talking quietly on her phone. I could hear her less clearly than I could hear the couple sitting a few seats away, who were also talking quietly.
The older man across the aisle from her, however, became irate, convinced that because she was talking on her phone, she was being rude. When he began to berate her, people stood up for her and told him to be quiet.
She was being considerate; he was not. See? Not that hard.
