In the Jewish calendar cycle Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur are a time for renewal. Jewish tradition invites us to get our psycho-emotional and spiritual lives together in order to begin the New Year with clarity and liberation. The internal work we do is called Teshuvah, which literally means returning. Teshuvah is a return to authentic self, a return to being in your spiritual groove in a state of greater harmony in our relationships with ourselves, with others, with Creation and ultimately with Divine Source. Teshuvah at its core is reconciliation.
Reconciliation begins with forgiveness but forgiveness on its own is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is the letting go of negative thoughts, impulses and wishes for those we believe have inflicted hurt on us. Forgiveness liberates from ideas of revenge and retaliation and the feelings of anger and hate. It is an unburdening of resentment and it is non reactive. In my rabbinic pastoral counselling, congregants will ask me "How can I forgive this person - isn't forgiveness a kind of condoning of their actions?" This is confusing forgiveness with reconciliation. Forgiveness is the very first step. Reconciliation and spiritual return, Teshuvah, require deep repair including the reestablishment of trust.
Jewish tradition lays out a clear framework for reconciliation when we have hurt or damaged another person. Understood in the process is that every human is created in the image of God, each one of us is, in essence, is an emanation of the Divine. Human life is sacred. If I have hurt or damaged another in any possible way I must work towards a step of reconciliation called mechilah. Mechilah is re-engagement and the word itself holds the meaning of dancing. Mechilah is the state of a relationship where companions of all sorts can dance together. The obstacles to the relationship dance have been removed. We attain mechilah through seeking forgiveness. First I must take full responsibility for my actions. I must admit to myself and the person(s) I have hurt that I acknowledge the hurt, I must be aware of the suffering I have caused and I must feel true remorse. I must work towards repairing that which I have broken. I must also promise that I have worked at making real change. If faced with the same situation, I will not be that same person who inflicted harm. Know that sometimes this process of reengagement can take a long time, especially when there has been a betrayal and trust has been broken.
For the one who has been hurt, it is a matter of demonstrating compassion and grace. There is a powerful teaching that Shalom, peace and healing, takes precedence over justice in the earthly realm of here and now. Jewish practice takes shame out of the equation. There is a sense that shame hinders the work of repair. The one who was hurt also holds responsibility not to be self righteous. Too often, in situations of collective trauma we see victims being blamed for their hurt. The dance of re-engagement asks us to explore if we ourselves have unreconciled hurts that we are responsible for; and to see ourselves as capable of being a perpetrator in order to stir greater compassion and kindness.
Often, much of the hurt we perpetrate is self hurt. As I prepare for the High Holy Days I know that I must forgive myself and do the work that will allow me to regain trust and to enter the dance with self in order to find and return to my spiritual groove to reconnect to the universe and Divine Source. I know I have succeeded when I feel a deep sense of joy. May we experience a time when we all dance together.
Rabbi Harry Brechner is Rabbi of Congregation of Emanu-El in Victoria.
You can read more articles from our interfaith blog, Spiritually Speaking. HERE
* This article was published in the print edition of the Times Colonist on Saturday, September 17 2016.
