Mike Pierce had been dating a girl for about six months when she gave him a Valentine's Day gift he'll never forget: a men's thong, in black.

Needless to say, the two aren't seeing each other anymore. The first chance he got, he tossed the offensive panty, tags still attached.

Was the problem that it was too intimate? Too soon?

"No man ever wants thong underwear," says Pierce. "It's always an inappropriate gift no matter what the circumstance. It has nothing to do with intimacy. It's just gross!"

Unfortunately, Valentine's gifts that turn off instead of on are surprisingly common.

"When it comes to Valentine's Day, (the gift) has to be somewhat romantic, and people find there's a lot of pressure in finding exactly what that is," says Rebecca Rosenblat, a Toronto-based certified psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and sexuality therapist, also known as Dr. Date.

Couples who have been married for decades still have a hard time finding the perfect present for each other. But the stakes are even higher for those in new relationships, when the wrong gift can snuff out the sparks permanently.

"In young relationships, we fill in the blanks," says Rosenblat. "You don't want to fill in the blanks in an inappropriate way. It can only bite you in the butt."

Just as a bad move on a first date can destroy your chances of landing a second night out, the same goes for a bad gift.

"You could eventually talk them out of you. They were interested but now they aren't," she says. "If you invest too much money into something or get something that's heavily laden with sentiment, it can really scare someone: 'It's moving too fast. This person is stalking me. They want to be exclusive and I'm not there yet.' "

Men should tread carefully around popular Valentine's options such as lingerie and jewelry, Rosenblat advises.

"If you haven't even been intimate yet, lingerie is not a good idea," she says.

If you have, make sure you get the right size, and buy something she'll actually like, as opposed to the skimpiest number you can find on the rack.

While lingerie should reflect your level of intimacy, jewelry reflects your level of commitment.

If the relationship is getting serious, a semi-precious or diamond showpiece worth a good chunk of change might win big points.

But again, too much, too soon can put your partner off. If it's still early in the relationship, Rosenblat suggests giving something smaller -- chunky jewelry that suits her style, for example, or even a simple heart on a chain.

"Just make sure it's her taste, not just 'I spent a ton of money.' "

A trip to the spa is always a safe bet, adds local personal shopper Lisa Brick, who sees a huge number of clients this time of year as owner and president of VIP Concierge and Errand Service.

"Every woman loves a spa day," she says. "It's a fail-safe gift."

When Brick knows a little bit more about the gift's recipient, she'll often look for something quirky at her two go-to's: Holt Renfrew, for high-end clothing and accessories, and Chintz and Co., for home decor. Original art is another tried-and-true option, says Brick, whose client base is comprised mostly of busy male professionals with money to burn.

Although men are typically the ones saddled with the responsibility of making Valentine's Day memorable, Rosenblat says women need to step it up, too.

"Make an effort. Maybe it's just a book, a DVD, a gadget, a pouch for his BlackBerry. Something that says 'I paid attention and I took the time and I thought of you.' "

It can even be as simple as a back rub -- men, she says, are fairly easy to please.

"The biggest mistake that women make is not acknowledging it at all. I can't imagine a woman putting a guy off unless she's coming on too strong or spending a lot of money."

The key to gift-giving, no matter the occasion nor the recipient, says Brick, is to keep it simple.

"Don't go for the real big, elaborate, hard- to-find something," she says. "Really, all they have to do is to give something from the heart: simple. It doesn't have to be over the top. She's not going to care. She's only going to care that you thought enough to get her something that she likes."

Pierce has been happily married for 20 years to a woman who has thankfully never given him a thong. His V-Day recommendations: give her a dozen expensive roses, a nice bottle of wine, or make her dinner -- and don't forget to do the dishes.

Simple, yet effective.

"But I think anytime a man does anything," he says laughing, "it's kind of regarded as special."

jfong@thejournal.canwest.com

czdeb@thejournal.canwest.com