Last week, a dad asked for help dealing with the overpowering influence of video games in his son’s life.
“My son is in Grade 2 and it seems he’s been immersed in video-game culture since he was in kindergarten. We control his screen time and make sure he has lots of other activities, like soccer, etc., but it seems every boy in his class has video-game lunchbags and T-shirts and backpacks. They even act out video games on the playground at recess.
“We realize that this is the world we live in now, but how do we counter-balance this tremendous influence? When he has free time, this is all he wants to do.
“Also, we vet the games he plays by checking them out first, but other kids — especially those with older siblings — seem to be into more violent, less-appropriate games for their age group, and we worry about their influence on our son.”
Here’s what our parent educators had to say:
Many parents complain that their children are exposed through friends to movies, video, games and Internet content that they would never permit in their own homes.
Parents want to protect their children from frightening experiences and bad influences. While we protect them as much as we can, we also have to build in them strength to resist or handle some of the things they will be exposed to.
This concern isn’t really that new — years ago, it was Ninja Turtles, and when I was a kid, we had toy guns and pretended to shoot for the kill. Our cartoons were incredibly violent as well, and if you take a good look at a Disney movie, there is often some scary stuff in there too.
Violence isn’t new, but it’s now in a seductive medium that deprives us of family time and nature.
By the time our kids reach eight or so, our ability to shelter them decreases. If we succeed, that means we have to exercise a form of control that will surely backfire.
Over-control leaves kids feeling fearful of the world, or they learn to hide their activities so parents don’t know what they are up to.
Whether it’s the influence of games, movies, the news or media, the only true ammunition is knowledge. Watching as much as you can with your child is the most powerful thing you can do.
This allows you to do reality checks but not by lecturing and being annoying.
You can ask questions that help the child think. What did you see that was fake in that show? How do you think they managed to make that supermodel look like that? Do you think that the real world is like any part of this video game?
You can also let your child know that if they ever see anything that upsets them when you aren’t there, you will listen and support them.
When it comes to moral values, our actions as parents are the primary influence over our children. Spending time with kids, treating them with love and kindness and modeling right rather than wrong can never be underestimated.
Your family is going through a transition of letting go, yet doing what you can. I think you already have some great tools in your belt.
Allison Rees
Parent educator
LIFE Seminars
The commercialization of children’s lives is something most parents struggle with. You are right to limit screen time. It’s alarming how much TV and video games very young children are exposed to. One of the biggest challenges parents have these days is saying no to screens, as they are incredibly stimulating and practically impossible to resist for children (and many adults I know!).
Limiting screen time of all types is essential. I suggest about two hours per week in total, which includes TV, video games and Internet access, as a reasonable maximum. Many parents reserve screen time for that 20 minutes just before dinner, to buy a few moments of peace as dinner is prepared. This will allow your child to play games that you have vetted, or watch TV shows that you permit. Avoiding advertising of all types directed toward children is a great idea. Your son is old enough for you to begin a conversation about how advertisements try to draw the viewer in to want their products.
Many parents I know speak with their children about the commercial icons that adorn clothing, lunch bags, backpacks and the like. They simply say that they are not willing to support the advertising of games and movies. I remember telling my own children that it is my job to keep them healthy and safe. It is my job to make decisions about what they can see or play with until they are much older. They may not have liked it at the time, but they understood that I was in charge and they could make their own choices much later, when they could afford them themselves.
I suggest that if playdates involve video-game playing, you consider other activities involving imaginative play (fort-building, creative crafts, construction activities like Lego). An empty cardboard box or two, scissors and paint can provide hours of entertainment. Never forget that you are in charge and you will be doing your son a great favour by limiting his exposure to these unfortunate distractions.
Jean Bigelow
Parent consultant
Next question:
My four-year-old daughter is exposed to a lot of different interests, including sports and books and films, but her absolute passion is princesses and stories of romance. We don’t judge and let her express and experience what she likes. But despite the fact that we present alternative princess-type stories focused on women’s strength and independence or female superhero stories, she gravitates to the old-fashioned stories where prince rescues princess, they marry and everyone lives happily ever after. Is this going to taint her view of the world and relationships?
Do you have any advice for this parent? Are you struggling with a parenting dilemma? Send your input to features@timescolonist.com. Please put “the parent rap” in the subject line. Questions about kids from infants to teens welcome.
