Alone in the Blue Mountains range in Australia, Jim Hayden’s older brother called to say how much he loved him.
On some level, both knew this was goodbye.
“My gut ached, my heart sank, and I knew something was very wrong at that exact time,” said Jim, now 29 and a part-owner of four Noodle Box locations in the region holding a fundraiser on Wednesday for the Canadian Mental Health Association.
Will Hayden was 25, a business graduate from Capilano University in Vancouver, and had been masking the depth of his depression since he was a teen growing up in Oakville, Ont.
His loving, close-knit family — father Jack, mother Diane and Jim — did everything in their power to support him, and a family doctor was involved in his care.
But Will — smart, articulate and strong-minded — hid his pain well. It was only when the avid traveller took off alone to explore Australia, and was at times cagey about his exact physical destination, that the family was forced to consider where he was going in his mind.
On the night before Will died by suicide in the dense eucalyptus woods of the stunning Blue Mountain range in New South Wales, he called his younger brother. It was June 15, 2010.
“I had been speaking to him almost daily for a week,” said Jim. “He definitely seemed off. He seemed worried, but he also seemed confident like he always does. He told me: ‘I love you, Jim.’ He was almost overcompensating for his depression by being there too much for me.”
In hindsight, “he was basically trying to tell me he was leaving, but ‘I still love you,’” said Jim, still emotional at the memory.
Jim, trained in backpacking and mountaineering, expressed concern to his brother about the threat posed by wild animals while Will was camping alone in the woods, but neither spoke of the dangers of Will’s own dark thoughts.
For Jim, suicide seemed unimaginable. He suspects that for Will, it was too real to lay at his younger brother’s feet.
Annually, more than 4,000 Canadians die by suicide, and it’s the second-most common cause of death among young people.
“He was ready for the decision he was going to make,” said Jim.
“I don’t think he wanted to do it. He was such a great person and people loved him so much. To this day, I just don’t understand why, but obviously something in his mind was telling him all this noise and pain and suffering had to stop.”
Days earlier, Will had talked to his parents. It was normal daily chit chat, but this time, when they hung up the phone, Will’s father said to his wife: “We’re losing him.”
Will’s father started to book a flight to Australia, but it was in vain. When he saw two police officers walking up his driveway, he knew.
By all accounts, Will was “much loved,” bright and social — a daring skier and adventurer who learned to surf and hang glide.
The brothers had an idyllic childhood and close bond with one another and their parents — Jack, a Bay Street financial analyst, and Diane, a stay-at-home mom.
In mourning, family members are now experiencing their own form of depression.
Will’s mom cries a lot, but is spiritual and believes her son’s soul remains and has found peace.
Jim said he and his father have struggled with sadness and guilt, wondering what more they could have said and done.
In trying to find a photograph that best depicts Will, Jack Hayden relived joy and pain-filled memories. “It’s breaking my heart,” he said in an email, before he stopped looking.
“It’s been a massive struggle,” said Jim. “I know exactly how taxing [depression] is and how alone it makes you feel.”
Jim sees a psychiatrist to deal with the trauma. A self-described kind soul, his initial response upon news of Will’s death was anger, first at his brother and then himself. “Why couldn’t I do more? Why didn’t I realize what my brother was saying to me, whether it was direct or not? And anger at him because he let me down. He left me.”
At the time of his brother’s death, Jim was, by contrast, having the “the time of my life — on such a high.” He was a lead guide at AdrenaLINE zipline adventure tours in Sooke. As a chef at Noodle Box, he was trying to integrate himself into the company.
It was Will who introduced his brother to the first Noodle Box location on Fisgard Street, which shut down this summer.
“I fell in love with it,” said Jim.
Jim worked up from chef at the Langford location to general manager and partner at the Shelbourne Street location. He’s now a managing partner for all four locations. He directly manages the Uptown location.
It was Will’s business acumen and advice throughout the years that helped guide his younger brother.
“He never got to see me take it over and become a part-owner ... I wish I could thank him for introducing me to Noodle Box. He, in a big way, pushed me in this direction.”
Instead, Jim holds annual CMHA fundraisers at the restaurant in his brother’s memory — to encourage those struggling to speak out and seek help, and others to listen and lend support.
$5 Noodle boxes raise money for Canadian Mental Health Association
Noodle Box is expanding its three-year-old fundraiser for the Canadian Mental Health Association from one to all of its locations. On Wednesday, select noodle boxes will be sold for $5 at all four of the Southeast Asian restaurant’s outlets — 818 Douglas St. in Victoria, at Uptown mall and at 3749 Shelbourne St. in Saanich, and in Westshore Town Centre.
“Pretty much every box is included,” said co-owner Jim Hayden. The average box normally costs $12.
The fundraiser starts at 11 a.m. and continues while supplies last. There is a limit of two boxes per person. The restaurants are not taking phone-in orders.
The goal is to raise up to $20,000 from all four locations, Hayden said.
All the box proceeds will go to CMHA programs, including a community gatekeeper program, where people are trained to help people who have suicidal thoughts. “We want to look forward and prevent those tragedies,” said Jocelyn de Montmorency, CMHA’s Victoria program manager.
• Community gatekeeper training is offered by the CMHA’s B.C. branch, Victoria office and Need 2 Crisis Centre.
The CMHA online at cmha.ca has information about myths around suicide, signs that someone might be suicidal and what you can do.
For more information, contact CMHA in Victoria at 250-216-4228 and the Need 2 Crisis Centre general inquiry line at 250-386-6328.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the 24-hour Vancouver Island Crisis Line at 1-888-494-3888 or the province-wide line: 1-800-SUICIDE
Youthspace.ca is run by professionally trained volunteers. Those under 30 from across the country are welcome in the live chat, which runs 6 p.m. to midnight Pacific time every night, or by texting 778-783-0177.
