There was an unfortunate incident. At work. I was involved. Memos flew and phones rang.

If I told you the details, I'd have to silence you. Or move to Minsk. Let's just say I turned up for a formal work meeting -- blush -- inappropriately attired.

After I took the manager's awkward call -- after the first flush of shame -- and as I stared down from my perch on the High Level Bridge, a feeling came over me. It was as if the lord Prada spoke directly to me: "Lose the pleated khakis and T-shirts, dude."

And so I did. I researched and then I shopped, carefully. I bought suits, shirts, ties, blazers and shoes, with brand names such as Penguin, Canali, and Allen Edmonds, much of it, second hand. For I am nothing if not cheap.

With fresh eyes and renewed sense of style, I then looked around me. Oh, I have seen such things on our city streets -- things that would bring designers Dolce and Gabbana to their knees.

Fred Singer of Henry Singer stores, says representatives of such labels as Prada couldn't believe all the product being sold at Singer stores here.

Where are those guys? Well, the well-dressed men are spread out, says Singer. Still, at least some of you need one of those awkward phone calls. You need advice. You need to up your game.

First, no man should walk shirtless in the urban setting. No man, save for Olympic gymnasts, should wear a muscle shirt. They don't call muscle shirts "wife beaters" for no reason.

No man's ensemble should be skinny jeans with a Judas Priest T-shirt, untied sneakers, ball cap and mullet. FUBAR was a movie, not a philosophy.

No man's dress shirt should be inadvertently untucked. Check regularly. Re-tuck.

Beware the short-sleeved shirt and necktie. It is precarious. You might pull it off or get recruited by Hoover to go door to door.

Wrinkled polo shirts scream: Lazy. Stained shirts shout: Slob. Beer-brand tees suggest a 12-step program in your future.

And what is with your scuffed shoes and soiled sneakers? Would it kill you to polish or clean them once in a while?

Gentlemen, an Oilers jersey can be worn to a game or in front of the TV. Nowhere else.

Only scientists can wear pleated khakis. But then, only if they're about to eradicate cancer or cure baldness.

Pleats, except on dress slacks, make thin men look skinny and bigger men look, well, you know.

Tip: If you are above your playing weight, wear flat-front pants and shirts of similar hue. White shirts and dark trousers -- or neckties tied too short -- draw the attention to your, ahem, equatorial region.

The most common male fashion faux pas is one of poor fit. Men commonly buy their clothes too big.

Even an inexpensive polo shirt will look fine if the shoulder seams hit the shoulders. But if they spill over the shoulders, the shirt and its wearer will appear unseemly.

The same goes for dress shirts and suits. Hit the shoulder properly and most everything else can be tailored.

I was big. So I remember. I bought clothes as if they were drapes to cover my big self. But the fact is, boxy clothes make you look fat.

Henry Singer sales associate Glenn McEown says Canadian style more closely follows that of Europe, not America, which favours boxy sack suits. A slimmer, European cut works well on most men. And a well-tailored suit can visually remove about 15 pounds.

My recommendation? Go to a full-service store. It might cost more, but one great suit will last years and fit most occasions. Not that you can't find stylish clothes in any store. My son's girlfriend gave him a gorgeous vintage tie bought at Value Village. And one of the most stylish men I ever knew found most of his clothes in thrift stores.

Is style important? Well, clothes speak volumes about us whether we realize it or not. See above note about beer T-shirts.

If fashion mere snobbery? Not at all, says Fred Singer. Fashion, like music or sports or wine or movies, has its devotees.

"It's really about people who know how to reflect their personality in how they dress."

I may not be ready yet to sing and dance in public. Too shy. But my black-and-white wingtips do a song and dance on my behalf.

My plaid bow tie speaks to my quirky side. My conservative Canali suit speaks for the serious bit. My Hush Puppies -- saddle shoes in brown and beige -- are casual yet fun.

Men, I think, worry about expressing themselves in fashion because they fear looking like a dandy -- in other words, gay. I've actually been asked that question -- "Are you, uh . . ." -- by a gay man.

Sure, it was a bit awkward. Not nearly as awkward, though, as a certain unfortunate incident at work.

I'm not saying any more. I've changed. My clothes now fit. My shoes now shine.

Edmonton Journal