Question: We encouraged our daughter, who is in Grade 4, to get a paper route because we wanted her to learn responsibility. She was keen at first, but is already losing interest after three weeks. We don't want her to quit already — how can we get her to stick with it?

Dave

Answer: I'm wondering if the paper route was her idea. Perhaps she was wanting to have her own money? Having a regular sum of money is a wonderful way for a child to learn responsibility. This works well if you have certain expectations of what she is financially responsible for.

It will teach her the value of a dollar when it's her own money she is spending. It's reasonable to give her an allowance to learn these lessons. You can nurture her sense of responsibility by letting her take on things such as her homework, room, lunch, even laundry.

Teach her how to do these things and let her experience some of the natural consequences of not doing them. Over-parenting in areas that belong to the child is what creates an irresponsible child. Allowance is actually a great way to avoid over-indulgence.

While learning the value of sticking with things when you make a commitment is important, so is the need for rest, play and change, especially when you are 10. If the paper route was your daughter's idea, you still need to give her support and help her do the right thing.

Help her examine the pros and cons to this job. If she wants to quit, then pushing her to continue could backfire and become a negative experience that influences decisions in the future. Doing the right thing means considering her needs and the needs of others, including her employer. Work out something reasonable with her and turn this into a positive learning experience, not a sense of failure.

Allison Rees

Parent Educator

LIFE Seminars

She must be about 10 years old so I'm assuming one of the parents accompanies her. A 10-year-old shouldn't be delivering papers by herself — too many weirdos out there these days.

Anyway, here are my suggestions: Keep it a fun thing — chat about the free exercise you're getting, not having to pay for aerobics and being in the fresh air. Keep a smile on your face and play leap frog from door to door. Have races to see how fast you can do it, tell jokes and point out interesting things in the neighbourhood. For example, in the spring, mention the wonderful heady smell of the trees in bloom and see if there are any bees around. Finally, have a nice snack ready for when you get back and sit together to enjoy it.

I did this with my kids when they were young and never had a problem. All the best, and good for you for encouraging a work ethic.

Mary L.

If the paper route wasn't her idea, I can imagine that your daughter might see it as just one more chore that has to be done.

The initial interest diminishes as she sees that it is not much fun and there are any number of things she would rather do. Perhaps you could negotiate an end date to the paper route that both of you could live with.

There are many other ways to instill a sense of responsibility:

• Financial responsibility: Give your child an allowance every week that she may spend as she wishes, but insist that at least an agreed-upon amount be set aside in savings (10 per cent, for example) for more expensive items that she would like, as well as gifts or further education.

When the allowance is spent, do not provide more so she learns how far her money will go. This will also teach delayed gratification.

• Family responsibility: Everyone in a family must contribute. Chores such as dusting, vacuuming and dishes need to be accomplished and everyone needs to do their part. If your daughter knows it is her job to make her bed, do the dusting and do the dinner dishes four nights a week, that can be made into a routine and become part of her everyday life and not a topic to argue about and negotiate.

• Personal responsibility: As soon as children learn to dress themselves, they can be tasked with setting out their clothes the night before, putting the dirty ones into the hamper, etc.

Similarly, showering, teeth brushing, washing hands before dinner and after using the loo are responsibilities that children can undertake as simple routines.

• Academic responsibility: It is important that homework be done at a set time each evening and if you create the environment (no screens, a quiet space and time to accomplish homework, a willingness to listen to her read or quiz her for a test), the child needs to be able to take responsibility for filling in her homework diary, ticking it off as she completes the work and putting it all back into her book bag ready for the morning when complete.

• Committing to an activity: Look at the out-of-school activities your child might want to join. For example, if your daughter really wants to join hockey, look at the schedule and make a commitment together that she will agree to take part for the season. After the season is over, she can decide whether to continue the next year. That way, she learns about team responsibility as well as finishing what she has started

As your daughter matures, getting a job may be something you all agree will help her understand that it is important to work and contribute and follow through with a commitment.

There are a number of ways to do this, such as the paper route you have suggested, babysitting, or even helping you out around the house with the much larger tasks you would not necessarily expect a child to do as part of the family routine (raking leaves, mowing the lawn or doing laundry). Teaching responsible behaviour through a warm and loving relationship allows you to come alongside your child and guide them through your words and example. When the attachment is strong your child will follow your lead.

Jean Bigelow

Parent Educator

Next week's question:

My two-year-old son has always had a shy personality, but for the past six months, he will cry with new people and new situations. He is such a happy, gregarious person with his parents and grandparents — his usual caregivers. Is there anything I can do to help him transition better so he can spend some time with aunts and cousins as well?

S.D.

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