Being Ollie the Pug's manservant means experiencing many new things.

Take walks, for example. Not to sound lazy, but I was never one for recreational walking. I prefer to laze on the couch with a beaker of inexpensive plonk while watching Say Yes to the Dress or Dancing With the Stars.

But Ollie requires two walkies a day. So I'm regularly frog-walked around the neighbourhood, with Ollie yanking determinedly at his tether.

Last week, thanks to Ollie, I had the opportunity to be a fashion model -- another first. An upscale Victoria's menswear store, Outlooks for Men, hosted the Man and His Dog fashion show. Both of us were invited to participate.

Naturally I said yes, as the event raises money for a worthy cause: Turtle Gardens Animal Rescue. But as the drew near, I grew nervous. The notion of awkwardly strutting the catwalk in fancy duds filled me with dismay. And there was no telling what antics Ollie might pull off in a crowded room containing other dogs.

He would doubtless go absolutely bonkers, engaging in an animated chase-me-Charlie with the other hounds. I also had visions of Ollie cheerfully voiding his bowels as horrified fashionistas clasped lavender-scented hankies to their noses.

The preliminary to the fashion show was a clothes fitting. A nice woman called Vanessa outfitted me in a purple Altea shirt with matching purple scarf, which isn't my usual sort of thing. I also slipped on a black Zegna peacoat, which I liked because it sort of made me look like a pirate.

"Have you ever modelled before?" asked Vanessa. This made me bark with buccaneer laughter, although I'm sure she was just being polite.

As instructed, all men and dogs arrived early on the evening of the fashion show. The first order of business was a practice stroll on the catwalk with your pooch before the audience arrived.

Ollie was too small to climb up the steps, so I unceremoniously hoisted him up like a sack of rice. He immediately become entangled in his leash. Help was required to sort him out. Then Ollie embarked on a tug-of-war up the catwalk with me in tow, making both dog and owner look slightly demented. This did not bode well.

The dogs were ushered into a separate room while the men changed downstairs. The change room was communal. That's something I'm not crazy about. The sole reason I hate public swimming pools is because of the communal change room. Bad enough seeing my own untoned body without viewing everyone else's.

However, the disappointment over the lack of a private change room was erased by the arrival of a large metal bucket containing ice and beer. After sampling the bucket, my spirits were mysteriously elevated. I pulled on my John Fluevog brogues with something approaching glee.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spied TV news anchor Hudson Mack looking natty in a black-and-tan Operations shirt. James McKenzie, CEO of Monk Office Supply, cut an awfully appealing figure in his black wool peacoat from Sand. And golly, wasn't that David Alexander of Zero One Design in a to-die-for blue flannel check Drykorn shirt, a black double-breasted Nanibon cardigan and oh-so-macho black Grenson flight boots?

Periodically, employees would pop in to ask if the beer bucket needed refreshing. The models responded with a manful "Yes!" or "You're not kidding!" or "Beer! Beer!"

I'd imagined my catwalk stroll would be a grotesque out-of-body experience. It would be like when I was 12, making the dead-man's walk to the piano at the Nanaimo Performing Arts Festival to bang out my crude rendition of Bach, met with tepid applause.

In fact, the catwalk wasn't bad at all. Yes, there was unfortunate heckling from Times Colonist workmates, but bucket beers took the edge off that. And yes, Ollie the Pug did try to lick (1) everyone along the runway (2) a great big dog and (3) two little girls at the end of the catwalk. But overall it went remarkably smoothly.

Back at home, I tuned into Say Yes to the Dress, studying the would-be brides with renewed interest. Ollie stared glassily into the lit fireplace, no doubt reliving his fashion debut.

achamberlain@tc.canwest.com

-To learn more about Turtle Gardens Animal Rescue, visit www.turtlegardens.org