If a photographer’s lens could always capture our truth or we could look at photos of ourselves and see our true selves, the whole snappity snap process would be a lot easier.
If you have gained weight only to glance at photographs and think: “Poor Aunt Martha looks so unhappy and unhealthy” or, “What is that large mass near the buffet table” only to realize Aunt Martha and the Mass is you, then you can relate.
When I had my daughter with my husband I was living the dream. But in the years since, there’s little photographic evidence of that.
There’s a million shots of my daughter. Thousands of her and her dad. And then there’s a handful of carefully posed, cropped, and photo-shopped snaps of myself with her.
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Commonly, my head is disembodied and floats behind all manner of people and things — buskers, a park bench, fire hydrant. I don’t care. I’m not ashamed to say I’ve feigned love for a friend’s dog only for the free camouflage. Mostly, I hide behind my daughter.
There are absolutely no photos of me alone. The thought of selfies gave me the hurlies.
This week that all changed. Our Times Colonist photographer Darren Stone — who on the side shoots high fashion and street chic — turned his lens on my daughter and me.
He didn’t exactly volunteer for the assignment but as a testament to his professionalism, he didn’t cry or turn it down either.
I can’t be alone. I know there must be other strong women and men out there hiding from the camera, only to be doubly ashamed about doing so.
We know we are responsible for being in this predicament. And we are saddened that we would partly define ourselves by our appearance rather than by our wealth of spirit, love, intellect, opportunities and accomplishments.
We know we could “embrace it, or change it” but somewhere, somehow, we got stuck. Those who embrace their Rubenesque shape and curves and don’t suffer any ill effects from being generously sized reflect that in life, attire and confidence. And it shines through in photos.
Those who try to accept it, only to hide from being photographed, may need to rethink their plan.
I did not accept where I was. Looking back, it’s now clear I needed help — a skilled PISE trainer, a good-fit gym and sound nutritional advice was key for me.
It’s hard to look at a photograph of yourself and not see yourself.
But in whatever situation you are in, it’s never too late to own your truth, reveal it and live it.
When photographed on the weekend, the same Times Colonist Health challengers who tried in January to hide from the camera, for the most part stepped up before the lens Saturday during a group hike up Mount Doug.
We are still a collection of sizes that weigh scales and a Body Mass Index might classify as overweight.
And that’s what some readers may see.
But many of us weren’t posing with the idea of being America’s next top model. We were just hoping the photographer could capture our renewed health and happiness.
Or, maybe after seeing ourselves in gym mirrors for three months, we see our accomplishments and have come to accept where we are and where we are going. We are stronger for trying and we have stopped hiding.
Getting back our wardrobes is a reward; getting back our lives was the point.
I lost 22 pounds. My measurements show I lost even more inches and fat. What can’t be measured is the self-confidence I gained.
I was willing to be photographed with my daughter at the Roundhouse in Vic West this week not because of how I now look, but because of how I now feel.
I can look past all my perceived imperfections in a photo because now I can see my truth reflected back — a woman who is happy and grateful for love and health and takes neither for granted.
PS: It’s been a fun ride. A big thank you to the Times Colonist, PISE staff including Ben Syme, Chris Hinton, Christie Gialloreto, Heather Dueck and Holly Murray, my husband the healthy chef, my daughter the inspiration, and family and friends, fellow challengers, and supportive readers who neither openly gagged at my columns, nor judged, but rather cheered on myself and all our Health Challenge winners.